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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28186437">Still Learning to Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/logans_girl2001/pseuds/logans_girl2001'>logans_girl2001</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>This So Called Life [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hawaii Five-0 (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cheating, Dom Danny "Danno" Williams, Dom/sub, F/M, Female Danny "Danno" Williams, Sub Steve McGarrett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:35:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28186437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/logans_girl2001/pseuds/logans_girl2001</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Danni have been happily married for the past six years when yet another unexpected dose of reality threatens to rip them apart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Catherine Rollins &amp; Danny "Danno" Williams, Danny "Danno" Williams &amp; Grace Williams, Steve McGarrett &amp; Catherine Rollins, Steve McGarrett &amp; Grace Williams, Steve McGarrett &amp; Original Female Character(s), Steve McGarrett &amp; Original Male Character(s), Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>This So Called Life [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I've been working on this almost since I finished writing <i>This So Called Life</i>. The inspiration is the song <i>Say Something</i> by <i>A Great Big World</i>. </p><p>I've always wanted to do a story like this one. And since there are so many that show it from the woman's point of view, I decided to do it from the man's. How Danni reacts after the delivery is based on the <i>ER</i> episode <i>Midnight</i> where John Carter's girlfriend has to give birth to a stillborn baby.</p><p>Please read the tags. I have very clearly marked what this story is about but I'll say it again here: Danni suffers a late-term miscarriage. Most of it happens off-screen, but it is still something that happens to her and Steve. Please do not read this if this subject is in any way a trigger for you. Your mental health is more important.</p><p>I'm still working on the other parts so I can't promise you anything. But I am on vacation the week of New Year's so. *fingers crossed*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a hell of a week.</p><p>We thought we had closed our last case, but our suspect ended up being guilty of something else entirely. So we had to go over all our evidence again. It meant long hours bent over our desks and standing around the computer table. Tempers became short as patience began wearing thin. Danni and I had more than one argument that ended with her punching me in the face. I have <i>got</i> to learn how to fucking duck!</p><p>Due to our last argument taking place in an extremely public place, a crime scene, I sent her home and told her to take a long weekend.</p><p>When I got home last night, she was curled up in bed with Fallon, both sound asleep. I decided to not disturb our daughter just to sleep in the same bed as my wife. It was the first time since she moved in back when she was pregnant with John that we didn't sleep in the same bed.</p><p>And now I'm forcing myself to go home before I give in to temptation and punch someone on my team (Grover) in the fucking face.</p><p>I pull into the drive and climb from the cab of my truck, tired beyond my years. "I'm getting too fucking old for this shit," I mutter, walking across the toy littered front lawn. Looks like John and Fallon will be spending their Saturday picking up their toys.</p><p>I find the two of them inside the house curled up fast asleep on the couch while <i>SpongeBob Square Pants</i> drones on in the background. They sure are cute. When they're sleeping.</p><p>With a world-weary sigh, I force myself to put one foot in front of the other and climb the stairs, knowing that my loving wife is more than likely waiting for me in our bedroom. Hopefully, she'll put me on my knees for a few hours tonight and relieve some of the tension in my shoulders.</p><p>Danni is indeed waiting in our room, but she doesn't look like she's in the mood to do anything other than cry.</p><p>"D?" I approach where she's perched on the foot of the bed, clutching a box. "Is everything okay?"</p><p>She shakes her head. "Not really."</p><p>I sit next to her and put one arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong?"</p><p>"The kids were just <i>horrible</i> today. All they did was fight. And now… and now…" She holds up the box for me to see.</p><p>"Fuck," I murmur. A pregnancy test. Not that I'm not thrilled that she might be pregnant again; now just isn't the time for it.</p><p>"Yeah." She wipes the tear that escapes with an angry swipe of her hand. "After Fallon I had decided I was <i>done</i>." She slashes one hand through the air. "I lucked out with not having any complications with both John and Fallon and didn't want to risk it again. Plus, I'm forty-two."</p><p>"What does your age have to do with anything?"</p><p>"Being pregnant and over thirty-five carries a higher risk of issues with the pregnancy. Birth defects being the most common. Being over forty increases that even more."</p><p>I bite my lips and nod my head. "I'm going to say something I regretted saying back when you were pregnant with John but it bears repeating: whatever you decide, I'll support you."</p><p>"You still don't know me at all, do you?"</p><p>"I know that you're distressed about the possibility of being pregnant. Abortion is an option. And that's all I'm saying."</p><p>She tilts her head back to blink up at the ceiling. "Do you know why it insults me to have you suggest that to me?"</p><p>"Obviously not."</p><p>"Obviously." She pulls her hair over one shoulder and begins braiding and unbraiding it. "While I am very much pro-choice, I don't think abortion should ever be used as birth control. Condoms and other forms are readily available and if you can't get those, then you shouldn't be having sex."</p><p>"So you feel that a woman has the right to choose for herself but that she shouldn't use it as birth control?"</p><p>"Yes. We have two examples of how birth control isn't one hundred percent reliable but even so, there are other options as well. That's not to say that I would picket a clinic or try to convince a woman she shouldn't get one. Just that for me-" She shrugs. "-it isn't an option unless there's a medical reason for it."</p><p>"Okay. Have you taken it?" I point at the box in her hands.</p><p>"Not yet."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"You weren't present for the others; figured you should be here for this one."</p><p>I kiss her forehead and then her lips. "So go take it."</p><p>She gives me a watery smile and goes into the bathroom to pee on the little stick. A few minutes later, she comes back out and sits next to me, rubbing her hands on her jeans nervously. "Well?"</p><p>"It takes a few minutes, Steve."</p><p>"Oh." I start to reach for her hand, but something tells me she's not in a receptive mood. But when she begins tapping a nervous beat on her jeans-clad knees, I ignore the part of me telling me to stop and slide my fingers along her palm until they're entwined with hers.</p><p>She takes, and holds, a deep breath at the first touch of my fingers and releases it once we're clasping each other's hand. She curls her fingers tightly against mine as if I'm her lifeline.</p><p>"What kind of woman am I, Steve, that I don't want this baby?" She swipes at another tear. "What kind of mother?"</p><p>"The kind that knows her limitations and doesn't want a child to suffer for them."</p><p>She shakes her head and leans into my side. "I should have decided on sterilization after Fallon."</p><p>"Why didn't you?"</p><p>She shrugs. "I was afraid I'd change my mind." She shifts until we're face to face. "But I haven't changed my mind. I may not want to be pregnant but if I am, this child will never know it was unwanted."</p><p>"By the time it's born, it won't be unwanted." I lean forward to kiss her just as her phone beeps that time's up.</p><p>"Well, here goes." She wipes her hands again on her jeans, stands, and walks slowly into the bathroom.</p><p>When a minute passes, and she doesn't come back out, I stand and take a step toward the bathroom. She appears at the door before I can take more than a couple of steps. The stricken look on her face tells me everything I need to know. We're going to have another baby. I want to jump for joy and shout in excitement, but I hold back in deference to her distress.</p><p>"How shall we proceed?" I approach where she's standing and rub my hands up and down her upper arms.</p><p>"I'll call Monday to get an appointment. We'll see what the doctor says before making any further decisions."</p><p>I nod. "Okay. So business as usual around the kids, yeah?"</p><p>She nods back. "Yeah. I doubt we'll be able to fool Grace but John and Fallon most likely won't notice anything's wrong."</p><p>"I have an idea." I take her hand and lead her from the room and back downstairs. "How about I go get snipped?"</p><p>"Why? I'm already pregnant again."</p><p>"I know. But this way we won't have to worry about it after. It's a real simple procedure for me."</p><p>"I have nonsurgical options, too, ya know. Besides, a vasectomy is not one hundred percent guaranteed to work."</p><p>"And yours are?"</p><p>"I've been doing some research and there is one. But I can't have it done until after I've healed from the delivery."</p><p>"And in the meantime…"</p><p>She just smiles and shakes her head, gently waking John and Fallon. When they grumble about their nap being cut short, she appeases them with promises of Kame's shrimp and shave ice for dessert.</p><p>As expected, John and Fallon are oblivious to the tension between Danni and me. But Grace is not.<br/>= = = =<br/>Sunday night, a knock sounds on the door to our room a few minutes after we've finished putting John and Fallon to bed. Danni frowns and opens it. All three kids know that once we've said goodnight and gone to our room, they are not to interrupt us unless it's something big.</p><p>"Grace?" Danni tilts her head to the side. While Danni knew that it must be Grace on the other side of the door, she is still surprised; we both are.</p><p>"Can I talk to you two?"</p><p>Danni steps back. "Sure. Is everything alright?"</p><p>Grace steps inside and sits down in the armchair tucked into one corner. "I was about to ask you that. Both of you are acting very odd."</p><p>Danni and I share a look. "It's not anything bad, I promise." I take a seat on the footstool in front of the chair.</p><p>"Danno?" Grace looks up at where Danni is still standing, worry creasing her brow.</p><p>"Da is right, Gracie. We got some news that cannot be confirmed just." Danni steps closer and runs one hand over Grace's hair before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Go back to bed. And try to not worry."</p><p>Grace rolls her eyes. "You know that's not gonna work with me. Do better." She makes a 'c'mon' motion with her hand. "Spill."</p><p>Danni and I, once again, share a look. We had decided not to say anything to anyone until we have confirmation from the doctor. But when I look back at Grace, I can tell that we have to tell her. She deserves to know. So, I turn to Danni and say, "Tell her."</p><p>"You sure?" I nod. "Okay." Danni sits on the other half of the stool. "I'm late."</p><p>"How late?"</p><p>"Late enough that I took a pregnancy test."</p><p>"And?" Grace sits forward in the chair.</p><p>"It came back positive. I'll be calling tomorrow morning to get an appointment to have it confirmed by the doctor."</p><p>"So, I'm the first person you've told?" Excitement is starting to build on Grace's face.</p><p>"Yes." Grace's hands fly to her face. "But you can't tell <i>anyone</i>." Danni wags a finger in Grace's face.</p><p>"I won't. I swear!" With a squeal, Grace launches herself at her mother's head. Danno catches her, and I catch the both of them when Grace's momentum has them almost falling backward off the stool. "I'm so happy!" Pulling back, she bends down and repeats what she has said to Danni's belly each time she's been told she's about to have a sibling. "Hey, this is your big sister, Grace. I can't wait to meet you. I have <i>so</i> much I want to teach you. So hurry up and get born!"</p><p>After a three-way hug, Grace kisses us goodnight and goes back to her room.<br/>= = = =<br/>Monday morning, Danni calls her doctor, but he's booked solid until Wednesday afternoon. Personally, I don't want to wait that long to have it confirmed, but she's rather picky about whom she will allow to examine her. Not that I blame her; it is a rather personal area, after all.</p><p>Unfortunately, the only available appointment is late on Wednesday, which means I have to pretend there's nothing wrong for three extra days. But it also gives me some time to think. And do some research of my own.</p><p>The procedure she's talking about is most likely the one that involves the doctor inserting a micro coil into her fallopian tube, which will cause it to scar enough to prevent sperm from reaching an egg. But it takes two to three months to complete, and other methods must be used during that time. I still think my getting snipped is an excellent option. We are currently using condoms, and she is on The Pill (although a different one than before), but like she said, two of our children (I guess that's three now) have been conceived while using contraception.</p><p>I decide to mention the vasectomy while at the doctor's, just to get his opinion. If he doesn't think it's a good idea, or rather if he thinks it is unnecessary, then I won't get it. But I'd still like to leave the option on the table.</p><p>Finally, Wednesday afternoon arrives, and Danni and I head for the doctor's office. I know the rest of the team can tell that something's up, but they've learned (Kono especially) over the years that we'll inform them of anything they need to know in our own time, and rushing it can spoil any surprises.</p><p>When we arrive at the doctor's, the waiting room has four women in various stages of pregnancy in it. I mentally curse the good doctor for not being able to stick to his schedule. Danni pulls out her phone and texts Cath, asking her to pick John and Fallon up from school, and then texts Grace to let her know she'll be in charge of dinner for the three of them until we get home.</p><p>"You don't have to stay. I mean if you'd rather Cath not pick the kids up or Grace to have to feed them." Danni plops down in a chair in the corner, just barely hiding her annoyance at having to wait.</p><p>"I have yet to miss a first prenatal and I'm not about to start."</p><p>She rubs her hands over her face. "I don't want to be here, Steve."</p><p>"I know, Danno," I lean over to whisper against her hair.</p><p>"We were being so careful. How could this happen?"</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>She curls her feet under her and rests her head on my shoulder. The past five days have been stressful waiting for this appointment. Only thing to make it bearable for me is that we didn't pull a case, so we were all able to get caught up on paperwork. But that can be just as stressful as chasing leads and hunting down suspects.</p><p>We've been waiting about ten minutes when the inner office door opens, and Margo steps out. "Danni?"</p><p>With a huge sigh, Danni gets up and follows Margo back through the door, with me trailing behind. Just before the door closes, I turn to frown at the four women still sitting in the waiting room. "Um, not that I'm not glad we're gonna be out of here sooner rather than later, but shouldn't those four women be seen first?"</p><p>"Dr. Costas isn't the only doctor in this office." Margo answers my question while notating Danni's current weight.</p><p>"I knew that."</p><p>"Sure ya did, babe. That's why you asked." Danni pats my arm.</p><p>Margo just smiles at me and leads the way into a room where she checks Danni's vitals. "The doctor will be right in." And with that, she leaves us alone in the room.</p><p>Danni removes her pants and underwear before sitting back down on the end of the table with a paper blanket draped over her knees. I can tell by how she's wringing her hands that she's getting nervous again.</p><p>"This isn't anything we haven't been through before, D." I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.</p><p>She sighs. "I know. I'm torn between wanting it to be a false positive and wanting to have another baby." She turns enough to face me without having to twist her upper body. "I loved being pregnant each time; well, until the end with John. I'm starting to want to go through that again; to feel new life forming within me. But I am over forty and the risks are increased. Not to mention my job isn't any easier. If anything, I think it's getting more dangerous the more criminals we put away."</p><p>She chews her lower lip and looks away for a moment. "Do we have the right to bring another child into our crazy lives?" She searches my face before dropping her gaze to where she has her hands knotted together in her lap. "<i>Should<i> we do this?"</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cupping her face gently in my hands, I tilt it up until I can press a kiss to her lips. "I fully support whatever you choose to do. If you want to go through with this pregnancy, then we'll happily add a fourth child to our family. If you don't, I will hold your hand while you terminate it or give it over to another family that will love it just as much as we do."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>My words don't seem to reassure her; if anything, I think I've just distressed her further, if the tears that are gathering in the corners of her eyes are any indication.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I cannot terminate this pregnancy nor can I carry this child and then just hand it over to some other woman to raise. I am already emotionally attached. I just don't think this is the right time for me to be pregnant."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, well, life's what happens while you're busy making plans." She laughs and buries her face in my chest just as the door opens to reveal Dr. Costas.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Here, now, Commander. What have you been doing to my patient?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I shrug. "Knocking her up?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni laughs again and punches my arm. "We were so careful."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Of course, you were." Costas washes his hands and slips them into gloves. "Let's take a look under the hood, shall we?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I open my mouth to ask that he not refer to my wife like she's a car, but Danni's hand on my arm stops me. Leaning down, I kiss her forehead and whisper that I love her. She cups my cheek with one hand and rubs her thumb over my bottom lip. "When we get home," she whispers, and I don't need her to elaborate; I know exactly what she means.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Several minutes later, Costas rolls the stool back. "Whelp-" he pulls his gloves off with a snap. "-you are definitely pregnant. You'd think after three pregnancies you'd know how that keeps happening."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni sits up. "But that's the thing." She points at me. "Condom." Then at herself. "Pill."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And according to your file two of your other three children were conceived the same way." He leans back against the counter with his arms and legs crossed. "The only two ways one hundred percent guaranteed to not result in pregnancy is no penis in vagina and having the uterus removed."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Having my tubes tied won't work?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What about me getting snipped?" I ask before he even opens his mouth to answer Danni's question.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He shakes his head. "Tubal ligation is ninety-nine point nine-nine-nine percent but there are still children running around whose mothers went that route. Same with a vasectomy."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What about that procedure we discussed at my last appointment?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"The Essure?" Danni nods. I know from my research earlier this week that that is the procedure she mentioned on Friday. "Same as tubal ligation only with more risks."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Risks?" Panic flares in my chest that Danni thought about something that could put her health in danger.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. They've been known to cause abdominal pain. Only way to stop it is to remove the fallopian tubes which is major abdominal surgery."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Isn't a tubal ligation major abdominal surgery?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Not these days. We go in through the navel laparoscopically. Less invasive."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Quicker healing time, too, I bet." Danni chews her lip. "I guess we can discuss our options after I've delivered."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Exactly. Let's concentrate on delivering a healthy baby and then once you've healed we can revisit the topic." He steps closer to put one hand on Danni's shoulder. "I am one hundred percent in your corner on this, Danni. If you've decided you're done having children, then it's my job to find the best method to prevent that from happening."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, you failed at your job."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He chuckles. "I think that's more to do with your hormones than that your birth control failed. You do know that you're more fertile at certain times of the month. All it takes is for you to have sex a few days before that really fertile period and one, just <i>one</i>, of his little guys getting out for you to conceive. Female biology one-oh-one."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Danni waves one hand as if shooing away a fly. "Tell me something I don't know."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, this pregnancy is considered high risk due to your age. That means you will be visiting with me more often and we'll be taking multiple sonograms to make sure everything's developing as it should."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I said tell me something I don't know."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Costas laughs and pats her shoulder. "Since it's so late do you mind if we skip the sonogram and prenatal swag tonight? You can come back in the morning for that and your first round of blood work."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You mean your vampires aren't chomping at the bit to get a hold of me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's been a long day for everyone." He rewashes his hands and steps to the door. "Take your file when you go and don't forget to schedule your next appointment. Two weeks instead of four." He points at her and exits the room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>On the drive home, I can't help but compare the atmosphere in the car this time to that of the other two times, specifically the drive home from finding out she was pregnant with John. Just like those other two times, I can't stop glancing over at her while trying to gauge her mood.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Just like with Fallon, she rubs her belly often and has a thoughtful look on her face. But I know that doesn't mean she's accepted the fact that she's pregnant again.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What are you thinking?" Six years of marriage have taught me to ask her to talk to me instead of trying to figure out her mood on my own.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"If it's a girl I'd like to name her Mallory Quinn."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A smile crosses my face because if she's thinking about names, she is well on her way to being in love with this baby. "Mallory. I like it." I reach over and slide my fingers down her palm until I can lace our fingers together. "If it's a boy, how about Meka Quinn?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She squeezes my fingers, and I bring her hand to my lips so I can brush a kiss to her knuckles. "I like that. And I love you." She leans over as far as she can with the seatbelt to press a kiss to my cheek.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"So I don't need to stop so you can slug me?" I indicate the spot where we stopped after that first appointment when she was pregnant with John and where we finally got over a significant hurdle.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She shakes her hand loose so she can lightly run her fingertips along my right cheekbone while chuckling softly. "No. I don't feel the urge to throw a punch. Wield a paddle, on the other hand…"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>My dick likes the thought of her bending me over the bed and blistering my ass, and I have to shift a bit in my seat until I'm more comfortable. "As you wish, Mistress."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Damn straight." She picks up my hand and slips it into her pants. "Here. Play with this for a bit." My eyes cross for a second, and my foot presses harder on the gas pedal when she pushes my fingers into her, moaning low in her throat.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I know just how to get her off quickly, and since we aren't that far from home, I hit every one of her buttons until I feel her nails dig deeper into the skin of my wrist and hear her breath catch in the back of her throat. Pulling my fingers from her pants, she licks them clean. "Such a good dog." She pats my erection, making me groan with the need to come. "Soon, Dog. Soon."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath's blue Corvette is still in the driveway when we arrive home. Danni makes an inquiring noise in the back of her throat and gets out of the car, headed for the front door. The second she steps foot inside, she's assaulted by both John and Fallon launching themselves at her head from the back of the couch while screaming 'Danno!' at the top of their lungs.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Inside voices," she reminds them, setting them on their feet. "Auntie Cath bathed you, I see."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah." Cath stands from where she was sitting on the couch. "They needed it after playing on the beach."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Thanks, Cath." Danni hugs her before herding our two youngest up the stairs.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Thanks again, Cath." I follow her out onto the porch. "You didn't have to stay."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Grace asked me to. Said something about a test tomorrow." She shrugs. "I didn't mind. I didn't have to cook so it's all good."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I chuckle. Cath loves being single, even if she sometimes acts like she doesn't. "What'd Grace make you?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Cheeseburger Mac. And boy can she cook!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yep. Learned from her mother."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"So?" I know what she's asking, but we haven't decided when to start telling people.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Nothing to report at this time. As soon as that changes, we'll tell everyone at once."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath's eyebrows climb her forehead. "Damn. Kono's right, isn't she?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Since I have no idea what Kono might be right about, I can't answer that."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danni's pregnant."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What?" I chuckle.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Both Chin and Kono have said that you both are acting like you did when Danni was first pregnant with John and Fallon."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"We have?" She nods. "Huh." I scratch at one eyebrow and ask, "So why are you still here?" Not so gracefully changing the subject.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath gives me a ‘don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing’ look but lets me get away with it. "Oh, Grace said she needed to study for some test."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>My brows lower in confusion. I'm pretty sure Grace doesn't have any upcoming tests, but I could be wrong. But before I can say anything, Danni calls my name, putting an end to any further conversation, much to my relief.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Be right there!" I turn to yell back into the house. "Well, 'night." I kiss Cath's cheek and wait until she's backing down the drive before closing the door and making my way up the stairs.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ever since John and Fallon were little, Danni and I would take turns reading them a story (one night I'd read to John, the next to Fallon). It's a system that works for us, but tonight, I find both children in my bed with their mother.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What's this?" I climb up and lie down behind Fallon, tickling her a little.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's getting late so I figured we'd do this all together." Danni opens the book on her lap. We've been reading them <i>Charlotte's Web</i>, and they seem to be enjoying it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>At the end of the chapter, both children are nearly asleep, so I pick up John while Danni carries Fallon, and we take them to their bedrooms where we tuck them in before going and kissing the other.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"So, why was Cath still here?" Danni asks when we meet up in the hall between the kids' rooms.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Grace asked her to stay because she needs to study for some test she has later in the week."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni's brow furrows in a frown. "She doesn't have any tests this week."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You sure about that?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni nods. "Absolutely." She frowns over my shoulder down the hall in the direction of Grace's room. "I'm gonna go talk to her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Alright."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Get the stuff ready, Dog."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It's a good thing that I'm not in trouble, that this spanking is for pleasure because I might just be allowed to snack on her once she's tanned my ass, and I find myself craving her taste.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Since I don't know how long she'll be talking to Grace, I don’t take my time getting ready. But still nearly ten minutes have passed before I hit the floor on my knees just as the door opens, and Danni enters, her brows lowered in a frown of frustration. Uh-oh. Her talk with Grace must not have gone well. This could take things in the wrong direction.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She steps over to the bed, checking my preparations. "Good boy." I guess the reminder that I'm available for her to play with has pushed her frustration to the back burner for now. "Come." She pats her thigh.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I crawl to her side and earn myself a hand in my hair in lieu of verbal praise; I have definitely been able to put her back in a good mood. A gentle tug has me standing and bending over to place my hands on the mattress with my ass on display. She runs one hand down my back and along the curve of my ass on her way to lock the door before heading to the bathroom to prepare herself for my spanking.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Until Danni, I thought of spankings as a child's punishment. I never knew they could be pleasurable. I was never the guy who slapped the ass of the woman I was fucking during doggie-style. I never even thought of it. If it happened during a porno I was watching, I either turned it off or fast forwarded through the rest of that scene.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>But Danni slapped me on the ass one time after sex while I was still naked. The thrill that shot up my spine was nearly as intense as parachuting into enemy territory. It was then that she realized I need to be spanked on occasion.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When she steps out of the bathroom, she's completely naked. She rarely spanks me naked, but when she does, I know I'm going to be getting fucked once she's done.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As always happens once I know she's carrying my child, my eyes are drawn to her belly. After three pregnancies, it's not as flat as it once was, it has a slight curve to it, but I don't mind. She got that curve from carrying our children, and besides, I love every inch of her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She notices me staring and stops to let me look my fill. "See something you like?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I lick my lips and nod. "Yes, Mistress."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Be patient and you'll be rewarded." I nod again, and she smiles at me before continuing around behind me. "I thought we'd try something different tonight." Different isn't always a good thing with her, but when she's in a good mood, like she seems to be right now, it can be mind-blowingly great.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>One hand lands lightly on the small of my back, and the other palms one ass cheek. "I'm going to give you five smacks. At that time, you'll have five seconds to make me come. If you succeed, you'll be allowed to fuck me until you come. If you fail, we start over until I either come or grow tired of spanking you." Well, that is different.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I widen my stance a bit, signally that I'm ready when she is.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"So fucking eager," she purrs, leaning over me to grab the paddle off the bed. "Such a fucking little slut." Yep, that's me: Daniel McGarrett’s paddle slut.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Even though I'm expecting it, and it's not as hard as it can be, I still startle a little at the first smack of the paddle against my ass. I get two to each cheek and one over both of them, and then she's turning me around while shoving me to my knees so she can shove my face against her crotch.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I eat her like the good submissive I am, but she isn't even close to coming after the five seconds are up. So back to my feet I go. Five more smacks, same as the first, and back to my knees. This time, I use my teeth to worry her clit and get rewarded with a hitched breath. But five seconds still isn't enough.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Five more smacks, and I'm back on my knees. She never said I couldn't use my hands, so while chewing on her clit, I shove four fingers into her pussy, spreading them enough to give her a bit of a stretch. This time I'm rewarded by a rough tug on a fistful of hair. <i>Jackpot!</i> I have managed to make her come.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She collapses forward over me, so I stand up and lay her gently in the middle of the bed before climbing in and covering her body with mine before sliding home, balls deep, into her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She has another orgasm and locks her heels under my ass. Bracing myself on my forearms, I start slow (this part is for me, not her) and slowly pick up the pace until I'm slamming into her the way she sometimes likes it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>My orgasm washes over me like a tidal wave, leaving me exhausted and spent. I barely manage to roll to her right side when my muscles give out. She rolls over to her left and snuggles back against me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"So what's the real reason?" I ask my question to the sweet-smelling skin on the back of her neck.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She didn't feel like playing babysitter."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I try and get closer, never mind that I'm as close as I can physically get. My right hand cups her belly, and I imagine I can feel the child growing inside her. "Makes sense."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. I apologized and promised we'd ask from now on. Except for emergencies, of course." I hum my acknowledgment, feeling slumber pulling at me, but I can't sleep just yet. I haven't cleaned her up, nor have I been given permission to sleep. "She also wants to start getting paid."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Okay." I slide my hand down until I can get my pinky between her folds. With a flick of my nail against her clit, I get her to lose her train of thought.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Bastard," she hisses, twisting just enough to get a hand in my hair, which she uses to force me between her legs. "You didn't clean me up. Do so now."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I love going down on her, especially after we've had sex, because that's when her taste and smell are strongest. Placing my nose right against her labia, I take a deep breath and then flick my tongue against her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I said clean me up, not tease me." She tightens her grip on my hair.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I know I had better do as she says; otherwise my ass will be sore for an entirely different reason. So I stop teasing and set about licking her clean. I've never really liked the taste of my own come, but when mixed with her fluids, it's not so bad.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Once she's as clean as I can get her with my tongue, I suck on her clit and pull one more orgasm out of her. I'm probably tempting fate, but knowing that the long dry spell of the middle months of pregnancy are fast approaching, I can't find it in me to care.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Obviously, she doesn’t care either because she doesn't say one word about the unauthorized orgasm; just pets my head when I lay it on her belly. "Go wash then come back to bed. It's time to sleep."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, Mistress." I do as told and return to find her already fast asleep.<br/>= = = =<br/>Time passes quicker than I thought possible, but eventually, the day comes when I look up about twenty minutes into a relatively peaceful morning and see Admiral Williams, the Admiral from Hickam, walking across the bullpen toward my office. I flick my eyes toward Danni's office to see if she's noticed him, too. And, of course, she has. There is only one reason Admiral Williams would come see me here, and it's that reason that has a look of abject fear on my wife's face.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Because I'm due to retire soon, my end date is in just over a month, and the ceremony is a few months past that, I've been excused from having to do my two weeks of reserve training; something that both Danni and I are grateful for since this pregnancy has been difficult for her. But it's obvious that that is no longer true.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I stand at attention behind my desk when Admiral Williams enters my office and wait for his quiet 'as you were' before sitting back down. He takes a seat in one of the chairs across from me, and we stare at each other for a long moment.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Finally, he clears his throat, and when he speaks, I have to fight to not flinch. "First, let me say that I hate having to do this but even <i>I</i> have to follow orders." I nod to show I understand. "If it were up to me I'd just tell them to shove off; that you more than deserve this special treatment but it's not up to me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I understand, Sir." Somehow I manage to speak without my voice betraying my emotional turmoil.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, that makes one of us." His mouth dips in a frown of annoyance. "I did manage to get them to agree to only two weeks. They wanted you to do six weeks like you've done before but once I explained about Danni and how your end date would fall during that six weeks they agreed to two."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"My family and I thank you, Sir."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, don't thank me yet." He leans back and looks over at where Danni is trying to pretend she's not one hundred percent focused on what's happening in my office. "In fact, if you could wait until I'm safely back on base before telling your lovely wife, I'd appreciate it." I can't stop the smile that crosses my face at the fact that my wonderful wife has even an Admiral in the Navy fearing her wrath. "Especially this next part." I <i>know</i> I'm not gonna like what he has to say next. "You have to report first thing in the morning. They want you on the <i>Enterprise</i> and she sails before dawn."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I blow out a harsh breath. "That doesn't leave me much time, Sir."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know, but as a Navy man, and former SEAL, you should be able to pack and go in a moment's notice, yes?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, of course. But there are several people to consider, now." I know he knows I'm not just talking about my wife and kids. "My team can work without me; I've made sure of that. But the Governor is a harder sell. I had given him my assurances that I would not be doing reserve duty this year."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Admiral Williams nods. "I understand your conundrum and so took the liberty of having already notified him." That's surprising. "He took it rather well. Although I'm sure he'll insist on someone other than your wife taking your place as leader in your absence."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"We've already discussed that. Mostly because of my taking time off after she delivers."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Good, good." He again looks over at Danni's office, and this time catches her glaring at him. He swallows loudly. "Even scarier than my own wife," he mutters. "Don't you dare tell either of them I said that." He points at me and narrows his eyes on my face.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I chuckle. "No, Sir. Your secret is safe with me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He nods and stands. "Good." I walk him to the outer doors, where he shakes my hand. "Good luck telling her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Thank you, Sir."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>With one last nod, he makes his way down the stairs and out of my sight. I take and release a deep breath before turning around, fully expecting to have to lock myself in Danni's office with her, but instead, I find my whole team standing at the computer table, staring at me. Danni's glare has intensified, and she has her arms crossed over the upper swell of her pregnant belly.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well?" Her voice is as sharp as the whip she uses on me, and this time, I can't subdue the flinch.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I have to do two weeks."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I can hear her grind her teeth. "They know about this-" She waves one hand in a circle in front of the evidence of her pregnancy, which, even though she's only five months, looks like she's about ready to deliver any day now. I'm starting to think she's carrying twins. "-yeah?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, they know."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And they don't care?" If I didn't know her the way I do, I wouldn't have heard the threat of tears in her tone.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They care. They wanted me to do six weeks like before. Williams was able to talk 'em down to two."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And the fact that you're due to retire soon? Does it not mean anything?" And now the anger's back.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"That's another reason it's two not six."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She huffs and flounces, as much as she's able with an extra ten pounds protruding from her midsection, into her office, where she flops down on the couch with her back to the bullpen.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"When do you leave?" Cath asks. She has her head turned away so she can keep an eye on Danni.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The whole team has gone into over-protection mode with this pregnancy, and I love them for it while Danni hates it. "First thing."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Fuck, Boss!" Kono never was one to mince words. "They couldn't have given you more notice?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm nearly positive that Williams came straight here from the meeting where he was told. But they probably decided on this weeks ago. He hinted that someone complained that I was allowed to skip my reserve training this year."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath turns back to frown at me. "Wait. First thing tomorrow?" I nod. "So, the <i>Enterprise</i>, then?" Again I nod. She chuckles. "We'll be doing our reserve training together this time."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danni will not be happy about that once she realizes it."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'll go talk to her." Cath takes a step in the direction of Danni's office.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I stop her with a hand on her arm. "No, I got this one."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath doesn't look convinced. "You know she's not gonna be happy when she realizes she won't have either of us for the next two weeks, right?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath may be the woman I was sleeping with when I met Danni, but the two of them quickly became fast friends. I'm sure they bonded over embarrassing stories of me. "Yeah. Don't worry. I got this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Feeling far less confident than I'm presenting, I push my way into Danni's office. "Hey, <span><span><i>Ku`uipo</i></span></span>." I keep my voice soft and respectful.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They promised." Her voice is thick with fear. I know her main fear isn't that something will happen to me. No, this fear's main focus is that she has to go through this difficult pregnancy alone, even if just for two weeks.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, well. This is the military. They are not known for keeping promises. Plus, even Admirals have to follow orders." I sit down on the other end of the couch.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I wish he was the one in charge."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm sure the order came from the top. But he was able to get them down to two weeks. Don't forget that."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She frowns up at me. "You seriously think some dick went to the top brass about this?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I shrug. "Lots of officers know people. I wouldn't put it past anyone."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But how'd they find out? Isn't it 'classified'?" She makes air quotes, and I can still hear the old resentment over my not being able to tell her about my military past.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Whoever complained probably didn't know it was <i>me</i>. I'm sure the fact that someone was going to be excused from their last few months of reserve training made the rumor mill. There are lots of reservists who don't feel it's fair that some get special treatment."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But life isn't fair. If it was there would be no poverty."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know." I lean in and kiss her nose. She scowls at me but otherwise doesn't acknowledge it. "Maybe we could get Ma to come early for Grace's graduation."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Are you trying to drive me insane?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I chuckle. Truth is, Danni has a great relationship with her mother. Now. Not so much just a few years ago, six to be exact. "No, but I'll be on the <i>Enterprise</i>."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Her head snaps up, and fresh tears fill her eyes. "I totally forgot that Cath's two weeks start tomorrow!" She buries her face in her hands. "I <i>hate</i> the Army!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Navy, babe." I gather her to me and gently kiss the top of her head while keeping with tradition and reminding her I'm <i>Navy</i> not Army.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Do. Not. Care!" She punctuates each word with a punch to my arm. Luckily I'm holding her too close for her to hit very hard.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's just two weeks, D. You still have the rest of the team."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But I need you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know." I tuck her more firmly under my chin and look out at our team standing by, ready to assist in any way they can. "I need you, too, but you know I have to do this. Just these last two weeks and I'm done."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They can't force you out of retirement?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"No, they can't. Besides, I'm over the age of enlistment."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She sniffs loudly. "Good. You belong to me and it's about damn time Uncle Sam got his fucking hands off my property." I laugh at this show of possession and kiss her head again, confident that her tears are now all for show.<br/>= = = =<br/>The rest of the day is spent with everyone trying to pretend that Cath and I aren't about to be gone for the next two weeks. Danni takes up residence on the couch in my office and can't make up her mind about whether or not to take some vacation time while I'm gone. It's not like she actually goes into the field right now but even so, there isn't much for her to do. By the time we head home for the day, she's decided to not take time off, citing the need to stay busy to keep herself from dwelling on missing Cath and me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As young children usually are, John and Fallon were unaware that anything out of the ordinary was going on. They either didn't register us telling them I wasn't going to go away for two weeks, or they forgot because when we tell them at dinner, they just shrug and ask for seconds.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Grace takes the news only slightly better than her mother did. I know that her reasons for being upset are similar to Danni's, but there's nothing I can do about it. The Navy currently owns me, and I have to go where I'm told to go, when I'm told to go.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>After dinner, I spend several hours building sandcastles and playing in the surf with my children. Then it's time for baths and bed. John and Fallon insist on separate readings, but Danni reminds them that she'll have to read to them together for the next two weeks, and they agree that one story will be fine.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>In our room, after seeing the children settled in their rooms, I spoon up behind Danni, my right hand resting on her belly. "I'm gonna miss this." I kiss the back of her neck.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I wish you didn't have to go."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know." I snuggle closer and slide my hand down between her legs, fully expecting her to stop me since she reached the 'no longer in the mood' stage a couple of months ago. But she doesn't, just lifts her right leg enough for me to get my fingers between her folds where I tease her clit and dip inside her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Despite not having a sex drive at this time, she slowly comes apart in my arms, and I quickly follow. It's the first time I've ever climaxed without direct stimulation.<br/>= = = =<br/>When the alarm goes off, I feel like I just fell asleep. I slap it off while rolling from the bed, headed for the shower. The warm water helps me wake up a bit; not nearly as much as a run or swim would but since I don't have time for either, it'll have to do.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>In deference to my sleeping wife, I put on most of my uniform in the dark; my shoes and tie can wait until I'm downstairs where I can turn on a light.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When I go to kiss her, I discover that she's not even in the bed. I frown down at her empty spot and wonder just when she got up. Couldn't have been while I was still in the bed with her; otherwise, I would have known. I've been hyperaware of her very presence since we met, but even more so when she's pregnant.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>With the need for no light removed, I turn on the lamp and put on my socks and shoes before tying my tie around my throat. One final adjustment to the knot, and I'm jogging down the stairs where the scent of coffee is drawing me to the kitchen.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni greets me with a travel mug of her favorite blend when I round the corner. I press a kiss to her forehead. "You didn't have to get up."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes I did." She has always insisted on seeing me off for my reserve training. "Plus, I wanted to give you this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>'This' being a pink envelope. I open it to find a frilly Father's Day card designed for a little girl to give her father. In fact, 'Fallon' gave me a similar one when Danni was still pregnant with her. "It's not even Mother's Day yet. Where'd you find a Father's Day card?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Ya wanna talk or ya wanna open it?" The Jersey in Danni comes out when she's tired as well as when she’s being sarcastic. Right now, it's a toss-up as to which it is.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I pull the card from the envelope and read the words 'World's Greatest Daddy' hovering over what can only be a father bunny with his little girl bunny. Inside the card is a sonogram picture similar to the one that is the wallpaper on my phone. "Thanks. I wanted a picture of all the kids to hang in my quarters."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The noise Danni makes is her 'stop being stupid' noise. "No, <i>look</i>." She points at two white lines that are thicker and darker than the ones around them. I know what they mean because I saw them in a sonogram with Fallon (I cheated and snuck a peek in Danni's file). "It's a girl."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I look up at Danni and can't keep the huge grin off my face. "It's a girl!" I pick Danni up and swing her around.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When I set her on her feet, I drop to my knees and push her shirt aside so I can talk directly to her belly. "Hey, there, Mallory. This is your Da. I can't wait to meet you." I press a kiss to what I think is a foot pressing against Danni's stretched skin and stand up. "Thank you." Pulling my wife into my arms, I seal my mouth to hers.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She pulls back when she needs to breathe. "You're not disappointed it's not a boy?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Not at all. You know I love having daughters."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, I just thought you should know."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Thanks." I tuck the picture back in the card and put it in my coat pocket. "But I thought you weren't going to find out."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I wasn't but after yesterday…" She shrugs.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And now I know where you went without me at lunch."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A knock sounds on the front door, followed by Cath using her key to enter. <i>"Steve?"</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Guess it's time for you to go."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. Love you." I pull her close one more time and kiss her until she sags against me. "When I get home." I rest my forehead against hers.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"When you get home."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, here you are. Morning, Danni."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Morning, Cath." Danni pulls out of my arms and picks up the other travel mug. "I made coffee."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Awesome. Thanks!" Cath takes the mug from Danni and turns to leave the kitchen. "We'd better get going."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah." One last kiss for my wife and I'm following Cath from the house and out to her car.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sorry to interrupt your good-bye."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"No, you're fine. I was lingering."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Everything okay?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What?" I turn to look at her profile.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You seem less eager to do this than before."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, it is the last one and you know how difficult this pregnancy has been for her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes. But this seems to be about more than that."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath knows me too well. I can tell I'm not going to be able to get away with not telling her. "I have this bad feeling in the pit of my gut. I had a similar one when Danni and John were taken by ambulance to the hospital and I had to stay behind. It's like something terrible is going to happen and my wife needs me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Did something terrible happen to John or Danni?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They took John from Danni and wouldn't let her see him until I arrived and demanded they take him to her." Cath nods; everyone's heard that story. "But this feels different, yet the same, ya know?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Different as in this will be worse but the same because it's something she shouldn't go through alone?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah." I shift in my seat. I really want to force Cath to turn the car around so I can pack up my family and run far away.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You know the team will keep an eye on her. She'll be fine." Cath downshifts in preparation of turning onto the road leading to the harbor. "By the way, why was she up? The baby making it difficult to sleep?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"No, she wanted to see me off and give me something."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, yeah? Is this something you can share with the class?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I huff a small laugh. "She told me what she's having."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The back of Cath's right hand smacks against my chest. "Spill, McGarrett!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"A girl. We're having another girl!" I still can't hide my excitement. "We're gonna name her Mallory."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"A girl!" Cath puts the car in neutral and turns off the ignition. "Seriously, McGarrett?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What?" When she tilts her head, I get it. "Who do you owe and how much?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Everyone. A hundred each."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Holy shit, Rollins!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She gets out of the car and smooths down the skirt of her Dress Whites. "Yeah. But I'm planning on asking to roll it into when she'll deliver."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I think-" I climb from the car and grab my bag from the back. "-based on John and Fallon's births, that the more sensible bet would be <i>where</i> and <i>how</i> she delivers, not when."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath laughs. She wasn't present for John's birth, no one was, but she was there when Danni went into labor on the witness stand nearly two weeks early with Fallon. "I thought the judge was going to stroke out right there when Danni admitted that her water had broken while she was being questioned."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm glad you were there and could help her deliver. In the elevator, no less." I shake my head and chuckle. "Grace and Ma were both extremely pissed that they didn't get to be present again."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"There are only two people who really need to be present for a birth: the mother, obviously, and the father. And since you were there, no one else matters."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I did thank you for delivering Fallon, right? Not that I would have minded, I <i>did</i> deliver John after all; it's just that I really enjoyed just being the supportive partner by holding her hand and helping her push."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You did thank me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Good." We share a smile before saluting Captain James, who has just approached us.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He returns our salute. "At ease." He looks between us before extending his hand to Cath. "Lieutenant Rollins. Welcome back." He then turns to me. "Commander McGarrett. Welcome."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Glad to be aboard, Sir." I shake the man's hand.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Lieutenant, you've been given your old rack. Stow your gear and report to Yeoman Rand for your duty assignment."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Cath snaps to attention and nods her head. "Aye, Sir." Spinning sharply on her heel, she makes her way to her rack.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Commander, walk with me." James turns and heads in the opposite direction. "I just wanted a word before you begin your duties."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Aye, Sir." I fall into step with him. "I just want you to know that I have no problem taking orders. This ship and her crew are yours and I will do my best to not step all over you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Good to know, Commander, but not what I wanted to say."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sorry, Sir."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He chuckles. "No worries. I'd do the same thing were our positions reversed." He directs me toward an open door. "This is you." We enter, and he sits in the lone chair, leaving me to sit on the bed. "I just wanted you to know that I feel for you in this situation. I had to do six months at sea during my wife's last pregnancy. I barely made it back in time for the delivery."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I've been in the reserves since we first met so this isn't the first two week stint I've done during a pregnancy. It's just that she's having a difficult time with this one; it's high risk and the doctor has her on a whole lot of restrictions."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He nods. "I get that. I also wanted to let you know I'm aware of your history with Lieutenant Rollins."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It won't be a problem, Sir. She currently works on the task force I lead."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm aware." He pauses and frowns at me. "Your wife is okay working with your ex-girlfriend?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Cath and I were never serious. Besides, Danni and Cath are great friends. Cath's the one who told me I was falling in love with my wife."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Really?" I nod. "Wow. Think you can have the two of them talk to every woman everywhere about how to get along?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I think it had more to do with the fact that Cath and I were merely using each other to scratch an itch and Cath could tell that Danni was the real deal for me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's great that your wife is so understanding." He stands. "Report to Yeoman Rand to get your assignment."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Aye, Sir."<br/>= = = =<br/>Cath and I are given different duty shifts, not that it matters since she's working intelligence and communications and I'm working on the bridge. But even so, it's ten days before our paths cross in the officer's mess.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey, you!" she greets me, setting her tray down on my table.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey. Was beginning to think I imagined you coming aboard with me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. It's been difficult getting used to working nights again." She takes a bite of her pasta. "You talk to Danni?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I nod. "We talked last night. I don't like not being able to see her face but she sounds good; tired but good."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Good. Kono has agreed to roll my loss into the next pool which, at your suggestion, will be where Danni delivers."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"That's…" I sigh. "I have no words to describe how I feel about you guys betting on where my wife will deliver my daughter." Cath laughs and takes another bite.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Just as I finish my meal, the PA squawks. <i>"Commander McGarrett to the bridge. Commander McGarrett to the bridge."</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You late for duty?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I glance at my watch. "No. I'm not scheduled today."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Better go. And double time it, sailor!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I rush from the room, yelling 'Make a hole!' to anyone in my way, and arrive, panting and sweating, in the bridge about twenty minutes later. "Captain?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>James holds up one finger and continues talking to the person on the other end of the phone. "I know you're scared. He's here now." He hands me the phone.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sir, I swear, I told my wife-"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's your oldest."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Grace? Why is she calling? I put the receiver to my ear. "Grace?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Oh, Da! There's so much blood!"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What? Grace, I need you to calm down and start from the beginning."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"I just got home and found Danno lying on the bathroom floor, bleeding!"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I squeeze my eyes shut and ask a question I know the answer to. "Where is she bleeding from?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i><i>"Between her legs."</i> Grace takes a shaky breath. <i>"They'll let you come home now, right?"</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I open my eyes and look at the Captain, the question hovering on my lips, but before I can even open my mouth to ask, he takes my bag from his aide and hands it to me. With a nod of thanks, I take it from him. "Yes, Grace. I'm coming home. But I need you to do something for me right now, okay?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"What?"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I need you to take Danno to the hospital. Where are John and Fallon?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Danno sent them to Auntie Malia and Uncle Chin."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Okay, good. Now, get Danno to the hospital. Turn on the lights and siren on the truck and drive as fast as you can. Can you do that?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i><i>"I don't know."</i> I can hear the fear in her voice, and I have to help her get through that fear so she can save her mother.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know the accident last year was scary but no one was seriously injured and you've done great driving with an adult since. If you don't do this Danno will die. You have to get her to the hospital. Now, Grace."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Her breath hitches in her throat. <i>"What if I don't get her there in time?"</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You can't think like that. Use the lights and siren and just drive. I'll call Duke so he can have the radio cars on the lookout for you. Just go, Grace!" I let some of my own fear creep into my voice, hoping it'll light a fire under her ass.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She doesn't say anything else, just hangs up the phone.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I allow myself one minute of grief there on the bridge before James urges me to get to the helipad.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tossing my bag in the back, I climb into the helo and buckle in. "Communications? Can you patch me through to Honolulu PD dispatch?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Steve?"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Cath?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Yeah. I'm patching you through now. Does this have anything to do with your page to the bridge?"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. Grace found Danni bleeding in the bathroom."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I hear her sharp intake of breath just before a calm female voice says, <i>"Dispatch."</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hi, Noreen. It's Steve. I need to be patched through to Chin, please."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Commander? Aren't you on your two-week reserve training?"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I was. There's been an emergency with my wife. If you could alert all radio cars between my house and Kapi'olani Medical Center that Grace will be driving the truck with lights and siren, that'd be great."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i><i>"Absolutely, Commander."</i> I can hear her typing away. <i>"Patching you through to Lieutenant Kelly now."</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>There are two little clicks then Chin's voice. <i>"Lieutenant Kelly."</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Chin." My voice breaks on his name, and I clear my voice and try again. "Chin."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Steve? What's wrong?"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danni's started bleeding. I have Grace rushing her to the hospital. I need you to go there and help her until I can arrive."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Anything, brother."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And if you could ask Malia to keep John and Fallon at your house? I don't want them disturbing Danni right now."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Sure thing. Scott and Alex are enjoying having them over. Is there anything else?"</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Not at this time."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"We got you, brother."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Thank you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Silence reigns in the helo after Chin breaks the connection. I want to cry but don't want Danni to see the evidence of my tears because she needs me to be strong right now. Over the years that I've spent kneeling at her feet, I've learned how to tell when she needs me to be the comforter and when she needs to give me comfort. And I know that right now, she's probably blaming herself for Mallory's death.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i><i>Finally</i>, the lights of O'ahu can be seen in the distance, and just a few minutes later, we're touching down on the helipad at the hospital. I jump out and run, hunched over, toward where I can see Chin's familiar figure standing near the door.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Chin." We embrace, briefly, before he's escorting me through the door and down the stairs. "How is she?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They're all scared but Danni seems to be holding it together as long as Grace is around."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Of course she is." We step into the elevator, and he pushes the button for the maternity floor. "Who's in with Danni now?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I was but I got kicked out so the doctor could examine her. Then I received a call from your in-laws, so I sent your children with Malia to get Lizzie and Andrew from the airport."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What? How'd they know to come?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They didn't. Turns out Danni called Lizzie a few days ago and asked her to come early for Grace's graduation. Lizzie says she thinks Danni knew something was wrong."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Mother's intuition." I nod, stepping from the elevator car when the doors open. "Thanks, Chin."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Anytime, brother. It's what family does." We hug again. "She's in room four." He points down the hall and then gets back on the elevator to ride it down to the lobby to wait for Danni's parents.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tightening my grip on the strap of my bag, I square my shoulders and walk over to the room Chin directed me to. Before I get there, Costas steps out. "There you are, Steve." He takes my arm and steers me a bit away from the door. "I wanted to talk to you before you go in there."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Is it bad?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm not going to sugar coat it." He clears his throat and shifts from foot to foot. "We could have lost her. If Grace hadn't gotten her here when she did…" I sag against the wall, and he puts one hand on my shoulder. "I wish I could say I saved the baby-" I interrupt him with "Mallory." He frowns at me. "What?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"We named her Mallory."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He smiles a little. "That's right. She told me she was telling you because you had to do your reserve duty." He nods and continues. "I wish I could say I saved Mallory but she was probably dead before Grace found Danni."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What happened?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danni suffered a ruptured placenta."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What?" I know the words he's saying, but they're not making any sense.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"The placenta detached early from the uterine wall. Essentially Mallory bleed to death."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, God!" I put my face in my hands. "Was Danni in any pain?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm afraid so." He squeezes my shoulder. "I have her sedated now and I've started the progesterone drip to force her to go into labor."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>My head snaps up at that. "Oh, hell, no. You are not forcing her to deliver a dead baby. You'll do a C-section."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I wish I could but the law is very clear about what I can and cannot do at this point."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What?" My vocabulary seems to have been reduced to that one word.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"This is considered an abortion and the law is very clear. I can fudge it so that it looks like she went into early labor but only if I can get her contractions to start. Soon. Because there is no way in hell I am subjecting her to the added trauma of an abortion on top of all this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I close my eyes and thank God for bringing this man into our lives as her doctor. "What do you need from me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I need you to keep her calm. I haven't told her about inducing labor so she might panic when her contractions start."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I nod my acknowledgment of his orders. "Anything else?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Just remember she loves you. She's scared and may lash out. You shouldn't take it personally."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. Okay." I step around him and into Danni's room. "Hey, Ku`uipo." I keep my voice soft as I approach the bed where my wife is lying on her left side with her eyes closed. Costas said he sedated her, and it looks like she's still asleep.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Grace is perched on the edge of a chair near the bed and looks up at my approach. "Da?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, Gracie." I absorb her full-body impact when she throws herself into my arms. With a kiss to her head, I gently rock her back and forth. "You did so good."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"If I had only come home earlier!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey, now." I take her by the shoulders and push her back so I can look her in the face. "This is no one's fault. Okay?" She nods her head. "Okay. Now, according to the doctor your mother could have died if you hadn't gotten her here when you did."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But-" She starts to protest, and I interrupt her with, "No. You saved your Danno. At this moment, that's what matters most. Understand?" She nods again.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Good. Now, I need you to go wait with Uncle Chin. Your grandparents will be here soon."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Okay." She goes up on her toes to throw her arms around my neck, and then with a kiss to my cheek, she slowly exits the room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Steve?" I have never heard Danni sound so lost before.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm here." I step up to the bed and take her hand in mine, leaning down to kiss her forehead.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"God's punishing me!" She curls in on herself and the sound that comes from her throat is that of a wounded animal.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sh, love. God's not punishing you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Of course He is. Why else would He have our baby die inside me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Being careful of the IVs, I take her in my arms and rock her gently from side to side. "I doubt God is this vengeful."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But I didn't want her. I prayed that it was a false positive."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, Danni." My heart breaks at how guilty she sounds. "God knows what's in your heart and so He knows you truly loved Mallory and regretted those thoughts." I press a kiss to her head. "But more than that He knows just what we can handle and doesn't give us more than we can deal with."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But I had one job, Steve!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know and it's tragic and traumatizing but we'll deal with it together."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I want my mother." She sounds so much like Fallon that I can't help the small smile that crosses my face.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Malia went to pick them up from the airport. They should be here soon."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You would have been proud of Grace. She flipped the lights and siren on and drove like a pro."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She is her mother's daughter."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni tugs on my arm while trying to lie back on the bed. I kick off my shoes and round the bed to spoon up behind her, my hand resting on the swell of her belly. With a choked off sob, she picks it up and twines our fingers together.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>After a few minutes of silence, she asks, "Did you talk to Costas?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah." I kiss the back of her head and tighten my arms around her waist.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm not gonna like what he said, am I?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I shake my head. "No."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I have to deliver her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She takes and releases a shaky breath. "I'm okay with that."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You are?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. The alternative is unthinkable."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What's the alternative?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She curls in on herself again. "You don't want to know."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Is this like I don't want to see pictures of actual deliveries even though I delivered John?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah." She sucks in a breath, and I feel the muscles of her abdomen tighten. "Fuck, I forgot how much that hurts."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Was that a contraction?" Despite having two children that I was present for the births of, I've never seen her have a contraction.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. If Costas has induced me then it's only gonna get worse."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But we can deal with it together."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hm," she hums before gritting her teeth through another contraction.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As the hours pass, I wonder why Ma hasn't burst through the door demanding to see her daughter, and then I figure that she must be dealing with John and Fallon so that I can take care of Danni. She's come a long way in trusting me to take care of my wife.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Eventually, though, Danni sends me from the room; she claims she needs me to get some air. I hear it as the same threat she used right before she went into labor with John. I reluctantly agree and leave the room, heading for the waiting area and the vending machines.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Steve!" Ma jumps out of her chair and over to me, wrapping her arms tight around my torso. "Oh, Steve!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She's in room four." I pull from her embrace and push her in the direction of Danni's room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Son." Pop places one hand on my shoulder and squeezes.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Pop." A quick glance around shows we're alone, so I let myself crumble into his arms, knowing he'll catch me and allow me to release my grief.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Here, now." He leads me over to a chair and sits us both down. "Let it all out. Just let it all out."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The last time I cried this hard was the night I found out my mother died. I kept my emotions inside until after Dad and Mary had gone to bed and then went down to the beach and let the sound of the waves cover my gut-wrenching sobs. But here, today, I'm allowed to cry on someone's shoulder, and it makes all the difference.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>After several minutes my sobs taper off, and I sit up, wiping my face with my hands and not feeling the least little bit embarrassed for having soaked my father-in-law's shirt with my tears.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Feel better?" He hands me a handkerchief.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes. Thank you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Anything, son." He again squeezes my shoulder. "I have something to tell you that Danni doesn't even know." I look at him with one brow raised. "Ever wonder why there are over five years between Canyon and Danni but only two between the boys?" I shrug because, of course, I've wondered; it just never crossed my mind to ask. "That's because Lizzie suffered a miscarriage."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"That is not what I was expecting but explains a lot."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Pop leans forward with his elbows braced on his knees. "Yeah. We wanted four children and wanted them fairly close together. She got pregnant within a month or two of each boy's first birthday. Except for Canyon. She didn't get pregnant again until he was eighteen months. We didn't mind. Canyon was a bit of a handful so she would have some time to 'tame' him a bit before the next one was due."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He clears his throat and gets up to pace the room. "At the sixteen-week checkup, the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat. They did a sonogram, it was brand new technology in the early seventies, and couldn't find evidence of a pregnancy." He looks me right in the eye as he says the next part. "They accused her of faking it. Until she stood up and they saw that she had started bleeding while lying on the table.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Back then, they performed abortions when a pregnancy spontaneously terminated that far into it, and she had to go through that. By herself. They wouldn't let me in the room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"When it was over she wouldn't let me touch her. Said it was obvious we weren't meant to have four kids. I didn't want more than two but she wanted four so that's how many I said I wanted."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know what you mean about that. I told Danni that however many she wants is how many I want. The women have to go through gestation and delivery so it really should be up to them."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I love that my daughter married a feminist." He chuckles. "Yeah, that's what I told Lizzie." He looks at me again. "Two years, Steve. We slept apart for two years. Almost got a divorce, too. The boys were young enough to not know what was going on but it has stayed with us. Even now, all these years later, it hangs over us; a reminder of how fragile love is." He sits back down. "Danni was conceived the night Lizzie first came back to me. For a while we called her our reconciliation baby because that's what she is. She was God's way of telling us that everything happens in His time, not ours." He rests his hand on my forearm. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I nod. "It wasn't the right time for this baby." He smiles at me. "But I can almost guarantee that there won't be a chance for another one. Danni had just decided she was done. I know she'll make sure it can't happen again after this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know. So maybe what God is actually saying is that you two need to go through this trial; that your love needs this test."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>That makes me think. Why would we need to go through this? Is our love not as strong as I think it is?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>While I ponder these questions, I get up and wander over to the vending machines. It's not that I'm hungry or even thirsty; I just need to move.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I'm not sure how long I've been standing here, staring at the machine full of candy and chips, when a man in his mid to late twenties comes to stand in front of the Coke machine to my left. He looks like he's been awake too long.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"This is so exciting, isn't it?" He turns to me. "To think that <i>I'm</i> going to be a father!" He blinks owlishly at me for several minutes. "It's our first. How about you?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The kid is so excited to be a father. I remember that feeling. "Fourth."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, wow! You and your wife are like experts at this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>One corner of my mouth quirks up. "Wouldn't say that."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Of course you are! Four kids! That's…" He shakes his head. "Got any tips for me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Just let her crush your hand. And cuss you out. And if she wants drugs, support her in that decision and make sure the doctor listens to her. This day is all about her and the baby."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey, thanks man!" He slaps me on the shoulder. "Do they all take so long? We've been here for nearly a whole day."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sometimes they do, sometimes they come too fast."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Meaning?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Before I can respond, Ma appears around the corner of the line of machines. "Steve, it's time."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I nod and follow Ma back down the hall. Danni's room is not the flurry of activity I expect it to be. But then again, we're not here to deliver a live, healthy baby, are we? Ma has taken up residence on Danni's right side, holding her hand in a tight grip, so I step to her left. Only I can't hold her hand due to the IV lines.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Steve," Costas calls from his place between Danni's raised legs. "Hold her thigh and help her push."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I wrap my arm around her shoulders and slip my other hand under her thigh. When I feel her tense up, I give her something to push against, giving her leverage to force Mallory from her body. When she delivered John and Fallon, she grunted and screamed, but this time, all she does is sob.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I can feel her pulling away from me emotionally and leaning more on her mother, and it breaks my heart to know that she doesn't think she can get the emotional support she needs from me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>About twenty minutes later, Costas is holding my daughter's blue and bloodied body in his hands. A nurse takes her from him and wraps her in a blanket while another cuts the umbilical cord. "Would you like…" The nurse holds her out to me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I take the lifeless body of my beautiful Mallory in my arms and turn away from the activity in the room to say my good-bye. "Oh, my beautiful lady." I lift her little arm to kiss her tiny hand. "We love you very much and will miss you terribly." She looks so much like Danni that my heart completely shatters. After four pregnancies, she finally would have had a child that looks like her. "Our lives will not be full without you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Turning back, I hold Mallory out to Danni. "D? You want?" She turns her face away but not before I see the agony in her eyes. "Are you sure?" She nods. I hand Mallory over to the nurse who carries her from the room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What now, Doctor?" Ma asks.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Same as with a live birth. Only she'll be allowed to stay for a few days. Just until we're sure there's no complications from the blood loss she suffered."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>After about an hour, they get Danni moved into a maternity room, I argue that she shouldn't be forced to share a floor with women who have given birth to live babies, but Costas says that because she went through labor and delivery, she has to be on the maternity floor. He did push for her to have a private room, so at least she doesn't have to watch some other woman fawning all over her newborn.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ma has planted herself at Danni's side, and try as I might, I can't get her to budge. "You can go back to the house with Pop, ya know. I can take care of my wife."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"That's alright. Why don't you go spend some time with your children? I got Danni."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She's <i>my</i> wife. My place is at her side. Especially right now."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Right now I need you to go take care of John and Fallon." I just blink at Danni. I can't believe she's dismissing me. As her submissive, it's my job to take care of her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danni…"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Go, Steve. You haven't slept much these past few days and the children need you." She curls up on her side, facing away from me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"See? She's fine with me." My mother-in-law makes shooing motions with her free hand. "Go on now."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm just a phone call away."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"We won't need you." Danni's words are like a knife straight to my heart.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Having been summarily dismissed by my wife, I stalk from the room and turn to punch the wall, biting back a curse and shaking the sting from my knuckles.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What did that wall ever do to you?" Pop asks, laughter in his voice.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Your <i>wife</i> is keeping me from mine." I spin on my heel and get in his face. I'm itching for a fight, and I don't care who with. "And Danni's allowing it."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You have to let it go, son," he says in a soothing tone.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I am not your son!" I hiss and instantly regret the words when he flinches as if I punched him. Just because I'm angry with Ma and Danni doesn't mean I can, or should, take it out on him. "Pop, I…" I trail off, not knowing what to say.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's alright, Steve." He pats me on the shoulder. "We're all under a lot of stress. But you need to let her hate you for a while."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Why? I didn't do anything."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You got her pregnant. I can guarantee she hates herself and God just as much right now but since she can't do anything to God and she's not going to do anything to herself, you get to be the scapegoat." He uses his hand on my shoulder to turn me and begins leading me toward the elevator. "Just let her know that you're here when she's done being angry at the world. That's all you can do."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I refuse to wait two years for that to happen."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You may not have a choice. She won't come to you until she's good and ready and if you try to force it sooner…" He shrugs. "You don't strike me as the type to force anyone to do anything they don't want, bad guys being the exception of course."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You don't understand." I let him push me into the elevator.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I do, Steve. You forget I have a similar relationship with Lizzie."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I <i>need</i> her, Andrew. Bad things happen when she doesn’t take me down regularly."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, you're just going to have to figure out how to cope until she's ready to do that again. Or find a proxy." He stops me from exiting the elevator with a hand on my arm. "But regardless, you have three live children that need you right now. Danni's in no condition to look after those babies so you have to."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He's right, of course. With a nod, I let him take the keys to the truck and drive us home. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, pressing me down, and I give into the exhaustion, breaking down in sobs once again before I slip into a doze for the remainder of the drive.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The second I step foot into the house, Grace takes off up the stairs to hide in her room. Every so often, I head up there to check on her. When I hear her muffled sobs, I decide to leave her to her grief for now because John and Fallon are currently blissfully unaware of the tragedy that has befallen our family.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I know I have to tell them, but I don't know how. They were barely aware that Danni was pregnant (I don't think they understand what that means), so I have no idea how to explain that the baby has died. What makes it more difficult is that they have no concept of death; no one they know has died in their lifetime. But even if they did understand death, how would I explain it?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Having no answers to my questions (but knowing I need to find some soon), I tuck John and Fallon into bed with me (a treat they rarely get) and hold them close while we sleep.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The following morning is complete chaos. It's like John and Fallon have finally tuned in to the tension in the house and want no part of it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"John!" I bellow when my naked son dances away from my attempts to dress him. "Get over here, now!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I want my Danno!" he cries, setting off his sister. They're crying in perfect harmony for their Danno.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, I want your Danno, too but she's in the hospital. We have to go see her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danno's sick?" Fallon pauses long enough for me to grab her and toss a dress over her head. She squeals and twists out of my reach before I can get it on all the way. She pulls it off, musing her hair, and scowls at me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Grace!" I've been trying to leave her to her grief, but I need her now.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah?" She steps into view and picks up Fallon's discarded dress.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Could you get her dressed while I deal with John?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, sure." She plucks Fallon up and carries her under her arm from the room. I feel a bit better when Fallon fights her, just like she fought me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I want my Danno!" John yells again, right in my face.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I grab his shoulders and yell right back, "I want your Danno, too!" There was a time, just a few years ago, when John preferred me over Danni. I was always afraid that Danni would get upset over it, but she would just roll her eyes and laugh it off. Now that our positions are reversed, I can see just how difficult it was for her to know that our son preferred someone else.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"John, please. If you want to go see Danno you have to get dressed." I hold out his favorite pair of underwear, the ones with Superman on them. "Want me to help?" I ask when he just continues to stand there and stare at me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He shakes his head, his lower lip beginning to tremble. "Why's Danno in hospital?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i><i>Fuck!</i> I knew this was coming. "Remember how Danno's belly was getting big?" He nods, the middle two fingers of his left hand placed firmly in his mouth. We've been trying to break him of the habit of sucking them, but I decide to leave it alone for now. "Well, the baby that was growing there is…" How do I say this?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"The baby has gone back to heaven." Grace enters John's room with Fallon perched firmly on her left hip.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But why?" Fallon has picked up John's habit of sucking on her fingers and added twisting the hair of the person holding her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Because God decided He couldn't be without her. He remembered that He gave Da and Danno the three of us and decided to keep Mallory for Himself."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But she's <i>our</i> sister!" John finally lets me assist him into his clothes.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know that but God can do whatever He wants. He's God."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tears start to drip down John's face. "Is Danno real sad?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, Bug. She's real sad. She was really looking forward to having another baby." I finger comb his hair, but it doesn't seem to do any good. He has Danni's curls, and they are just as wild on him as they are on her. "But I'm sure you and Fallon and Grace can help her feel better."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"How?" Grace sets Fallon down on John's bed and starts putting her shoes on.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"By loving Danno." When I try to put socks on John, he kicks at me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Slippas!" He curls his feet under him.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Not to go to the hospital. I promise that you can take your shoes off as soon as we get back in the car to come home. Okay?" John hates wearing shoes, so we always have to bribe him into anything other than slippers.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Okay. For Danno."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"For Danno."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>About an hour later than I wanted, Grace and I manage to get John and Fallon buckled into their car seats and head for the hospital.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey." I take Grace's hand in mine and squeeze. "I know this hasn't been easy for you and I thank you for being so helpful."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, well, I couldn't just let you try and coral them by yourself."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know you don't like how much we rely on you to help with them and I hate that it's going to be even more until Danno's feeling better."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's alright, Da. For Danno, right?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, for Danno." I let go of her hand and settle back into my seat, the bitter taste of resentment creeping up the back of my throat.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When we get to the hospital, I use the valet because I don't want to deal with John and Fallon's tendency to not cooperate while walking across parking lots. Both John and Fallon insist I carry them. Luckily they aren't very heavy even when combined.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>In Danni's room, we find her sitting up in the bed looking a lot more human than the last time I saw her and wearing a nightgown that Pop must have brought her when he returned here last night. "Oh, there are my babies!" Danni holds out her arms, and all three children try to climb into the bed with her. "This bed just isn't big enough." With some wiggling, Grace ends up lying on her side on Danni's left, Fallon ends up curled up on Danni's chest, and John ends up tucked under Danni's right arm. "I see Da managed to get some shoes on your feet." Danni picks up one of John's feet and wiggles it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"He said I could take them off in the car on the way home."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>We make eye contact over Fallon's head before she buries her face in John's black curls. "What a nice Da."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danno?" Fallon sits up and takes Danni's face in her little hands. "Are you still sad about God deciding to not let us keep Mallory?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Is that what Da told you happened?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Fallon nods her head, but John says, "No. Gracie did."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I see." Danni leans over and kisses Grace's head while whispering something that makes her smile. "Yes, I am still sad. I'm going to be very sad for a while. Just like I'm sad whenever you and I have to be apart."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"But you know you'll see me again."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, and that's what keeps me from being very sad."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh. Okay." Fallon snuggles back down under Danni's chin.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I never thought I'd be jealous of my children, but I am right at this moment. They have the freedom of seeking comfort in Danni's arms, and I have to stand here and wait for her to come to me. "You look rested." I have no idea why I said such a stupid thing, but I have no clue <i>what</i> to say. At least not in front of our children. When Grace shifts, I notice that the IV is gone. "I see they removed the IV."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. Doctor says I might be able to go home later today or tomorrow."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"That's good."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Ma snorts and brings her presence to my attention. "Ma? Could I talk to you a moment?" I flick my head toward the door.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She hesitates for just a second, but after checking that Danni and the kids are content, she follows me out into the hall. "What can I do for you, Steve?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You can take the children back to the house and let me comfort my wife."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She's my daughter, Steve."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I am well aware of that, Lizzie. But she's my wife and as such it should be me supporting her right now."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You don't understand."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I have children. I understand not being able to stand seeing them in pain and not being able to help. But she's <i>my wife</i>. I get that you don't like me but I'm not going anywhere so get over it."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She shakes her head, tears slipping down her cheeks. "You don't understand! None of your babies have been in the hospital. This is Danni's fifth time. Three of those times I could only stand by and watch her suffer and those three times she reached out for me. I will not abandon my baby when she needs me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I may not have had to see any of my children suffering in the hospital but I'll be burying one of my babies in just a few days. So I think I understand better than you." I take a deep breath and say the one thing guaranteed to drive a wedge between me and my wife. "Back off, Liz."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Fine." She puts her nose in the air. "But only as far as Danni will let me. If she comes to me for comfort, I <i>will not</i> turn her away."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Just so long as we have that understanding." I turn to go back into the room when Ma stops me with a hand on my arm.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I don't dislike you, Steve."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I turn back to her with one brow raised. "Oh, really? Ever since I met you six years ago you've done nothing except get between me and my wife. What else am I supposed to think than that you don't like me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She takes a deep breath. "It's not that I don't like you. No really it's not!" She holds up one hand when I make a skeptical noise in my throat.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Then what is it, Liz? Huh? I mean really. Is it because I'm in the military? Because that's one of the things Danni loves about me. Is it that I'm her boss? Because we're equal partners now that she's been promoted to Lieutenant. Is it that I have no family? Is it that I'm not from Jersey?" I throw my hands out to the sides. "What the fuck is wrong with me that makes you think I'm not good enough for your daughter?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Andrew told me he told you about the miscarriage." I nod. "That's what it is. She's my last baby. The one God gave me after years of heartache and the trauma of losing one. From the moment she could walk she was always running away from me. I could not make her happy. And then you come along and she tells me she wants to work on our relationship. I should love you for that. And I do! But I also hate you because of it. Because you put her in harm's way all the time. Because she would probably have gotten along better with your mother than she ever will with me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, Ma." I fold her into my embrace and let her cry against my chest. "Does Danni know you feel this way?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She shakes her head. "No, and she will never know, either." She pulls back to shake her finger in my face causing me to go cross-eyed. "Do you hear me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, ma'am." I pull her close again and squeeze her tight. "You know I love you, right?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Her laugh is devoid of any real humor. "Yes. And I love you too. Why couldn't she have met you before Stan?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I was not in a place in my life where I could have allowed her in back then. She would have been even more miserable with me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She sighs. "But you would have still treated her better because you wouldn't have taken Grace away from her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Only because I was chasing bad guys all over the world. We would have been lucky if we'd have been able to even conceive Grace with me not around very often."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Fine. Ruin my fantasy." She lays her head on my chest and relaxes for a moment before going back inside Danni's room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>A couple of hours later, Pop comes in and says it's time to go. John and Fallon whine about leaving but Grace and Ma put an end to it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni kisses them. "Be good for Da, yeah?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm not leaving." I sit down in the chair Ma was sitting in and cross one leg over the other.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni turns distressed eyes on her mother. "Ma?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sh, Daniel. He's your husband and he loves you. Let him." When she kisses Danni's head, we make eye contact, and I mouth my thanks. "I'll be back tomorrow if you're still here."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni says, "Okay" but her tone says it's anything but.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Our family troops out the door, and I'm left alone with my wife for the first time in days. And for only the second time since we met, there is an awkward silence between us. I have no idea what to say to her right now because we should be cooing at our new baby and bonding with her. But then again, this situation is far from normal.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I noticed that John's still sucking his fingers and that Fallon has started, too." Danni's voice is way too polite, considering she's had me on my knees more times than I can count.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah. I figured I'd lay off that for now. They can sense the tension and I don't want to stress them out any more than they are already."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She nods, and I realize she hasn't once looked at me since I entered the room. I get up and walk to the bed, feeling the knife in my heart twist even more when she tenses at my approach. "D, look at me." She squeezes her eyes shut and gives a tiny shake of her head. I sit on the side of the bed and take her hand in mine. "Please look at me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I can't, Steven!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Raising our joined hands, I press them against my forehead. "Please let me help you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Please just let me grieve!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I want to help you grieve, Danni." I wipe a tear from her cheek with my thumb. "I'm not trying to get you to stop grieving. I want to support you, give you someone to lean on. Please don't shut me out."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"How can you still love me? I killed our daughter."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, Danni!" I try to take her in my arms, but she pushes me away. "Do you really want me to go?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yes, please."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>With a kiss to her forehead, I stand up and step outside. "I'm just out here if you need me." She doesn't acknowledge my words, just turns her back on me. This proof that she no longer loves me has the knife plunging in even deeper and has me sliding down the wall to sit dejectedly on the floor.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I don't know how long I've been sitting outside Danni's room when Costas shakes my leg to get my attention. "Steve."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Huh? What? Is it Danni?" I start to stand, but he just pushes me back down.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She's fine." He looks at the closed door of Danni's room then back to me. "Kicked you out, huh?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah." I sigh. "What's up?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"The funeral home called. They will be here in the morning to take Mallory to prepare her for burial." He settles back on his heels. "Has she held her yet?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I'm fairly certain that Ma didn't force her to, and she hasn't since I've been here, so I say, "No, and she won't even look at me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Well, you <i>have</i> to get her to say good-bye. Once Mallory's buried will be too late. You don't want her to wake up one day and regret not having held her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I look over his head at the door to her room. Deep inside, I know he's right. If Danni doesn't hold Mallory now, she won't be able to and will regret it one day. "Okay." Seeing a nurse pushing an isolet toward us, I stand and enter Danni's room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"No! Get that out of here!" Danni yells when she sees the isolet the nurse has pushed into the room behind me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sorry, Danni. She's not taking Mallory away." I take the isolet from the nurse and push it closer to the bed. Danni finally looks at me, and her fear is a living, breathing thing in her eyes. "I know this is hard but it has to be done." I keep my voice soft and soothing. "They're coming for her tomorrow. You don't want them to bury her without you having held her, do you?" I pick Mallory up like I would if she was alive and sit on the side of the bed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni turns her head away. "No, Steve. Please don't make me do this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I cup her cheek in my hand. "Danni." As gently as I can, I turn her to face me. "You <i>have</i> to say good-bye; once they've prepared her for burial it'll be too late. Do you really want to risk regretting this one day?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She takes a deep, hitching breath and reaches for the bundle in my arms. Her lower lip quivers, and tears spill down her cheeks. Moving the blanket so she can see Mallory's face, she cries harder. "She looks like me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Watching my wife say good-bye to the daughter we will never get to know is the hardest thing I have ever done. Danni clutches the tiny body to her chest and sobs. I wrap my arms around them both and just hold on.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Eventually, Danni's sobs turn into shaky hiccuping breaths. "We shouldn't have to do this, Steve."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know, babe. I know." I kiss her forehead and pull back, reaching to take Mallory from her. She holds her tighter for a moment before letting me take her and put her back in the isolet.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Did you pick a nice casket?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I did. The funeral director said he hasn't buried an infant in over twenty years and it's just as difficult now as it was then."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Can we bury her with your dad?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You want to bury her with Dad?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni nods. "Yeah. I mean we don't have a family plot." She stops and blinks. "Oh, you probably already bought a plot for her."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Didn't have to. There's room next to Mom."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Right. Forgot your mom's not buried at The Punchbowl."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When I open the door, one of the nurses at the nurses' station comes over and takes the isolet from me, giving me a sad smile.<br/>= = = =<br/>Costas decides to keep her until the morning, a decision that prompts an argument between Ma and me about who will stay the night with Danni. I win by reminding her she stayed the previous night.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I fully expect to spend the night holding my wife while we sleep due to how she opened up to me after saying good-bye to Mallory, but she shuts me out again the instant she realizes I'm not budging from her side.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Her refusal to let me hold her leads to a very uncomfortable night in the chair, but it's not like I haven't ever slept in it before. After John and Fallon were born, I spent the two nights my family stayed in the hospital in one. It's just that we went through something tragic and traumatizing, and I want - no <i>need</i> - to hold her right now. I need to give her comfort and receive comfort from her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>This time, leaving the hospital is a somber affair, one I dearly wish we didn't have to go through. As the orderly pushes her wheelchair through the hall, I make eye contact with some of the other parents. They all seem to know what happened, and they all express their sympathy with a nod of their head.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The drive home is completely silent, and for the third time since we met eight years ago, it is incredibly awkward. The distance between us is so much more than the few feet of the truck's cab and growing wider with each passing second. I have no fucking clue how to close it, and that terrifies me. If she would just lean on me, let me help her grieve, then maybe I could bridge it, but I don't see that happening any time soon, especially since she's also erected a forty-foot wall between us.<br/>= = = =<br/>At the house, John and Fallon show that they can be well behaved by not jumping on Danni the second she walks in the door.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, my babies." Danni kneels down so they can hug her. When she goes to stand up, Fallon refuses to let go. "Mm. I've missed my Fally-bean hugs." Danni carries Fallon upstairs with her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Da." John tugs on my hand. I look down at him, surprised when he holds up his hands. "Up, please."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"What? You forget how to walk?" I pick him up and toss him gently in the air like I used to.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He squeals in delight. "Swim, Da?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Oh, no. I know you know how to use your words. You are your mother's child."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>John chuckles. "Can we go swim?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tucking John under my arm like a sack of potatoes, I head upstairs to change into swim trunks. John turns his nose up at my applying sunscreen but otherwise allows it.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>We spend hours playing in the water; John is an exceptional swimmer. When it starts to get dark, I pick him up and carry him back inside; he's nearly unconscious in my arms.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni is obviously sleeping with Fallon tonight so I decide to let John sleep with me. After our shower I tuck him into the bed and head downstairs for something to drink.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Steve." Andrew is sitting at the kitchen table, obviously waiting for me.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Andrew." I pour some juice and sit down across from him.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Lizzie told me about you confronting her at the hospital."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I'm not sorry about any of it." I force my voice to stay firm in the face of his possible rejection.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Nor should you be." I just blink at his statement. I never dreamed he'd be on my side. "Lizzie was in the wrong. If we had a different kind of relationship, I'd make her apologize to you." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "When Danni was born…" He falters and starts over. "I lied about how our daughter ended up being named Daniel and I'm sorry about that." Pop gets up and gets himself a glass of water. "Truth is… Lizzie was so convinced she was having another boy she never even considered girl names. I told her we could just change it to Danielle real easy but she refused."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He sits back down, his shoulders slumping. "Her relationship with Danni has always been strained. I don't think Lizzie knows how to relate to her. She does fine with our granddaughters, but Danni…" He shakes his head. "They were always like two old tomcats fighting over territory.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It wasn't until Danni hurt her knee and met Trevor that I realized exactly why they were always at odds with each other."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Trevor is a name I've never heard before. But since I know that Pop is referring to Danni's becoming aware of her dominant side, I figure he's the 'Boy' she was dreaming about that night six years ago and that he's the only other man she ever saw a future with.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I nod my head. "Two powerful Dommes in the same house, especially when one doesn't know that they <i>are</i> a Domme, can cause a lot of tension."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He chuckles. "Exactly. The only time Danni has reached for her mother has been when she's hurting. First her knee, then that whole fucked up mess with Grace's sperm donor and now-" He leans forward and rests his elbows on the table. "-and now they share a mother's worst nightmare. I understand where you're coming from, Steve, I do. But you need to let this be. For now, anyway. Day after Gracie's graduation you'll have Danni all to yourself. You can go back to working your submissive charm on her then. Can you let them lean on each other for a while?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"If our positions were reversed, would you be able to let your mistress seek comfort with someone else? Even her mother?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I would if they had a relationship like Lizzie and Danni do."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Shaking my head, I lean back in my chair. "I don't believe you. Not that it matters. I don't think your relationship with your wife is anything like mine."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They're both Dommes. How different can they be?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You have no idea." Pop sits back and crosses his arms over his chest, one brow raised. "Danni and I are more than a little bit codependent. I was serious when I said that bad things happen when my connection to Danni is restricted.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"She told you about the shark cage, right? And my hanging a guy off a roof?" He sighs and nods. "<i>That's</i> what happens when I don't have her to put me on my knees regularly."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Son, I get what you're saying and you're right, my dynamic with Lizzie is nothing like that but you have to understand, Danni and Lizzie need each other right now. Lizzie needs to reassure herself that Danni will survive and Danni needs her mother to sooth the hurt. Sure you can do that but you don't truly know what she's going through. Only another woman who has suffered a similar loss can. Just ten more days."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>'Just ten more days,' he says like it's nothing. And I guess to him it is. He's not being shut out by his wife, his grounding force. Because that's what Danni has become for me. Knowing she's standing at my side, ready to take me down should I need it, has kept me grounded; helped me not do anything too crazy in regards to catching the bad guys.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"How about this? So that Danni can't hide from you, Lizzie and I will take the children for a few weeks. They get out of school soon and we'll have them back beginning of August; just in time to shop for next school year."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I don't know how Danni will feel about that. She seems to be holding tight to Fallon and Grace right now."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I've noticed. It must be a female thing. Grace can empathize what with her being near the age to start thinking of having a family and Fallon is just a Danno's girl, and your youngest."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He's right. Grace can understand how difficult the miscarriage was on Danni, plus she's the one who found her mother bleeding and near death. And Fallon has always wanted to be near her mother.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"If Danni agrees, I have no objections."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The next morning, without even discussing it, Ma and I come to an understanding. I take care of John and Fallon, and Danni's physical well-being (applying sunscreen and making sure she drinks lots of water and eats), and Ma takes care of Danni's emotional well-being. At the end of each day (during which Danni spends the entirety sitting in a chair on the beach and staring at the water), she and Ma go up to Grace's room and do whatever it is that Danni needs the women in her life to do to help her grieve.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni's depression is so complete that she can't even get excited for Grace's graduation. I catch Grace crying about it on the lanai the night before.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey, baby girl."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey." Grace sits up, giving me room to sit next to her on the swing.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You know your Danno's real proud of you, right?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She nods, fresh tears flowing down her face. "I just wish she was happy enough to enjoy it."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I know, baby, I know." Wrapping one arm around her shoulders, I tuck her against my side and let her do what her mother refuses to do: cry on my shoulder.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She ends up crying herself to sleep, so I carry her up to bed, not even surprised to find the other three females in this family already asleep in her room.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Our whole ohana attends Grace's graduation, and they make sure to scream loud enough to cover that Danni's no hooting and hollering for her daughter. Grace shows that her name is well deserved by pretending to not notice her mother sitting while the rest of us are standing when she walks across the stage to receive her diploma.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>We had initially planned to have a huge party at the house, but after the past two weeks, Grace has decided to forego the party at this time. Once Danni's feeling more like herself, we'll have one.<br/>= = = =<br/>I make the last-minute decision to fly to New Jersey with my family, which means I have to leave Danni behind. Our team agrees to take turns watching over her. I write up instructions and hand them to each one of them, plus I make sure to post copies all over the house. I don't want to come home and find Danni sunburned or sick from not eating.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>John and Fallon have never left Hawai'i, so this is a grand adventure for them. Grace spends the flight trying to prepare them for the shock of how different Jersey is from Hawai'i. I don't think they believe her when she says it's dull and grey.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When we left Hawai'i, it was a balmy eighty-five degrees. When we land in Newark, it's a hot and humid ninety-five degrees, and it's already ten at night. I had thought Danni was kidding when she said that Jersey gets hotter than Hawai'i. I barely remember what summers were like at Annapolis, but I seem to recall them not being near this hot.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Luckily for me, John and Fallon inherited my adventurous spirit because it makes it easier to get them settled in their grandparents' house.<br/>= = = =<br/>I stay for two days, just long enough to do some sight-seeing of places Grace remembers from her childhood. And now I understand why Danni hated Stan so much and for so long. Everywhere Grace takes me is a slap in the face about how much better her life with Stan was versus how it would have been had Danni gotten custody. I know Danni hated every minute of it, but I also know she knew it was what was best for Grace at the time.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Leaving my children with their grandparents is nearly as difficult as leaving Danni in Hawai'i had been. John pouts and demands to see his Danno, and Fallon doesn't understand that I'm not abandoning her. Their screams and tears will haunt me for a long time to come, I'm sure.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The flight home is blessedly uneventful, and I land in Honolulu just as the sun starts to peek over the horizon.<br/>= = = =<br/>When I'm about ten minutes from the house, I call to see who's on Danno-sitting duty.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i><i>"McGarrett residence, </i> Kamekona answers my house phone. <i>"How may I direct your call?"</i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"They got you to watch Danni, Kame?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Hey, McGarrett! Yeah. Some scumbag killed a bunch of people during a robbery so's your team's out chasing 'im."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I see. How's Danni?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Your missus is just fine. I just came in from applying sunscreen and giving her some water."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Has she been eating?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Anything we set in front of her, just like you said."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Okay. I'm nearly home if you want to take off. I'm sure she'll be fine for the few minutes it'll take me to get there."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Nah, brah. I'll stick around."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Alright. Mahalo, brother."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>"Don't mention it."</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I pull into the drive and sit in the truck for a long moment after turning it off. Before I left New Jersey, Grace asked me to find a way to reach Danni and bring her back. I told her I'd try, but I couldn't promise anything. Now I just need to figure out how to do that. How does one go about reaching someone who has closed themself off? I have no idea, but I have eight weeks to figure it out.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Kamekona comes up to the truck, and I roll down the window. "Welcome home."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Thanks."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I left some shrimp in the fridge." I nod. "She's in a bad way, brother. Breaks my heart to see her like this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Mine, too, Kame." I can feel tears pricking the backs of my eyes.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You tell her we all love her and hope she gets better soon."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I will, thanks again." With a nod, he climbs into his jeep and speeds off. I should probably get Duke to give him a speeding ticket one of these days.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>With a world-weary sigh, I make my way inside, where I drop my bag in the bedroom before changing into a pair of board shorts and heading out to the beach. It looks like it's going to be another beautiful day here in Hawai'i, and I want to spend it with my wife. I want to see if I can get her into the surf.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The second I exit the house, I sense something's not right. My heart plummets to my feet when I see Danni walking into the ocean. Despite wanting her to do something other than stare at the incoming waves, I can tell she's not going for a swim.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>With a shout, I take off at a dead run, praying I get to her in time. I enter the water just as her head disappears from view. I dive under a cresting wave and grab at her arm. I just barely manage to get my fingers around her upper arm before I begin to feel the need to surface. Tightening my grip, I kick as hard as I can against the ocean floor. The second my head clears the water's surface, I take a deep breath. Pulling as hard as I can, I get her head above the water and wrap my arm around her in a rescue hold before heading for shore.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Once I can stand, I sweep her into my arms and carry her the rest of the way. Laying her gently down, I begin CPR, muttering "C'mon, Danni" under my breath the whole time.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"C'mon! Don't do this to me! Breathe, dammit!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Finally, she coughs up water and takes a gasping breath, instinctively rolling to her side. I assist her, slumping over her body in relief. "Oh, thank God."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Why didn't you let me go?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Because I love you. And need you. And our children need you."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She curls into a ball and begins to sob. I sit there in the sand and sob right along with her. I wish this means we can begin to heal now, but I know that we need to go to counseling for that to happen.<br/>= = = =<br/>The next morning, I force her to let me bathe her (she's still mostly unresponsive), get her dressed, and take her to a counselor recommended by my therapist. She sits in a corner of the couch, staring at the wall, and refuses to speak the entire time we're there.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The counselor gets her to agree to see someone on her own, a therapist specializing in women who have suffered a miscarriage. I feel it's an auspicious start. We're now both seeing therapists individually as well as together, even if she hardly ever participates in our sessions. I believe that given time, we'll get to where we need to be.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Slowly I begin to see changes. First, Danni begins to ask for certain foods. Then she stops sitting on the beach all day and starts going into the office for a few hours each day. And the one that has me truly hopeful our marriage can be saved, she begins to talk during our couple's therapy, although it's still not enough for me to know how to reach her. It is a start, and our therapist is very pleased by this progress.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As the end of July, and the time for the kids to return, approaches I call Ma and Pop and offer to fly to Jersey to get them. They refuse, saying they'd like another trip to Hawai'i, maybe to Maui this time.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The drive to the airport is as silent as all of our time spent alone is these days. And waiting for the plane to arrive is excruciating. The tension between us is so obvious that people are going out of their way to avoid coming anywhere near us.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Finally, their flight's arrival is announced, and the passengers begin to enter the baggage claim area.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The second Danni sees John running toward her, her face lights up, and it's as if the depression she had slipped into never happened.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Danno! My Danno!" Both John and Fallon shout, plowing into her and causing her to fall onto her butt.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She laughs and cuddles them close. "Oh, my babies! Were you good for Mémé and Pop-pop?" They both nod, their curls bouncing around their faces. "Good." Danni finally manages to untangle herself from them and stands. She folds Grace into a tight hug. "Thank you, Monkey."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sure." I can't tell if Grace is upset or just being a normal teenager.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Hey! Where's my hugs?" I crouch down and open my arms wide.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>John and Fallon look at each other before walking sedately into my arms. "Hi, Da." Their voices hold none of the enthusiasm they showed Danni.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Did I do something wrong?" I stand and face Grace.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You took them from their mother."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"I explained it was so she could get better."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"After telling them that their love would help her get better."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Great. Now every member of my family hates me. I'm nearly positive Grace feels the same way because I know <i>I</i> didn't ask if she wanted to spend the summer in New Jersey. I decide that before school starts, my children will have forgiven me. I wrap one arm around Grace's shoulders, surprised when she doesn't immediately shrug it off.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Tightening my hold on her shoulder, I pull her back so that we're walking a step or two behind everyone else. "I'm sorry I didn't take your feelings into consideration. Pop asked to take the three of you so I could help Danni and when she didn't object, I didn't even think."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's okay. I figured you probably thought someone else had asked me."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Yeah, I guess I did." I squeeze her shoulders. "Forgive me?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Of course. You were doing what you thought best for Danno. Just like you've done from the moment you met."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I want to ask her to explain, but before I can, she changes the subject.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"You do realize she's faking, right?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I didn't, or to be more accurate, I wasn't sure. Hearing Grace confirm it, though, has me positive that that's what has felt off for the past several weeks. With a huge sigh, I reply, "Yeah."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"And you're just gonna let her get away with it?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"After the past few months…" I can't find the words to express exactly why I'm not going to poke so hard at Danni's current behavior.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Grace shakes her head. "Since I wasn't here for a large chunk of that time, please don't try and use it as an excuse for this."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>When we arrive at the baggage carousel, she shrugs my arm from her shoulders. Lizzie has me collecting all the luggage and carting it to the truck.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>There's some chaos as we all say good-bye to Ma and Pop as they hurry to catch their connection to Maui. The look on Danni's face tells me she was hoping to have them as a buffer between the two of us.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Danni rides in the back between John and Fallon, who seem to be having a contest to see who can keep Danni's attention the longest and tell the most outrageous story about their time in New Jersey.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>At the house, the two of them bounce out of the truck, still talking a mile a minute. "Did they eat a lot of sugar on the flight?" I whisper to Grace.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"No but they did sleep the whole way from Newark to LA."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Of course they did."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Grace laughs. "I did try to keep them awake but they didn't sleep last night; too excited about seeing their Danno again."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"It's alright. I think Danni's enjoying it. At least that's the first real smile I've seen out of her in months."</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>After I drop the bags in everyone's rooms, and we all change into our swimsuits so we can play on the beach, Grace pulls me aside. "I kept in touch with everyone. Only Kame would tell me how bad she was. Was he down playing it?"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I shake my head. "No but only because no one knows just <i>how<i> bad it got."</i></i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Tears well in her eyes. "Are you going to tell me?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"No."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Why not?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I sigh and look out at my wife playing in the surf with two of our children as if she hasn't a care in the world. "Because she doesn't need you to know. We're both getting help, individually and together, and now that the three of you are home, we'll all five go. What matters is she hasn't been that bad since. Well, that and that she's talking to someone." Even though she's lying through her teeth to everyone around her.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Grace nods. "I guess what matters is she's still here."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"That too," I reply, knowing that that's far from the truth. Danni isn't 'here' anymore, but at least Grace understands that we need to pretend everything's normal, for now at least.<br/>= = = =<br/>As the weeks go by, our family counseling dwindles to once a week. Danni has that therapist fooled and has managed to get John and Fallon, who have yet to develop filters, to not spill about the tension at home. Not that they know how bad it is. Danni and I may sleep in the same room, but that's all; she has the bed while I sleep on the floor.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Our couple's therapist isn't as easily fooled but doesn't seem inclined to do anything about it. It makes me worry that her therapist is letting her get away with pretending to get better. Luckily she can't get back in the field until both therapists agree, although neither of them appear to be paying attention. I spend most of our couple's sessions fighting the urge to scream at the therapist to look at how she's lying, how she's merely saying and doing what she knows he wants to get him to sign off on her going back to full active duty.<br/>= = = =<br/>Dena, my therapist, has a knack for finding a sore spot and pressing until I acknowledge and release it. And right now, the one she's working is that I haven't had an orgasm since the night before I left for my reserve duty.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"It's not healthy to go this long without it, Steve." Just my luck, I get a therapist who thinks sex is extremely healthy and keeps urging me to masturbate despite my lack of desire.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"But I have no urge to do so."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Because your mistress isn't interested?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"That's part of it, yeah." I cross my arms over my chest and sit on the padded bench under the window. "After she came to me and put me on my knees for the first time…" I falter to a stop as I realize that it's been eight years since I've had a sexual thought that didn't center on Danni.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Steve?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"It's been eight years, Dena. Eight years where my every sexual thought and desire was dictated to by Danni. I don't know if I can without her directing it."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"So for the past eight years you didn't even masturbate unless she said you could?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah. I mean, since we weren't full time, I probably could have without punishment but I liked knowing she was watching. It made my release so much <i>more</i>."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I get that but, Steve, you need to take care of <i>you</i> right now. Sexual frustration leaks into everything. Do you really want to risk everything, especially not being able to perform when she's ready?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I hate when you hit the point like that."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Dena laughs. "But that's what you pay me for." She looks at her watch and grimaces. "Our time's nearly up. Your assignment is to masturbate at least once. You don't have to tell me if you do or not but I want you to do it. And don't worry about climaxing. That's not why I want you to do this. I just want you to get used to touching yourself again." She looks up at me. "Okay? Can you do that?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I can try. Eight years of conditioning doesn't just go away because you want it to, ya know."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Dena smiles. "I know. But it appears that, for the time being at least, Danni has released you from her ownership. You're your own man again for now. Maybe letting her catch you will remind her she's been neglecting you."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"<i>Or</i> it could make her realize I don't need her anymore and push her further away."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"If that happens, then you know she was already headed there. But don't go borrowing trouble, Steve. Do what I suggest and see what happens."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah, okay." I scrub at my face with my hands. Standing, I head for the exit. "See you next week."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Steve?" I turn back to face her. "I really don't think she'll set you aside. She may decide that the D/s side of your relationship should end, but I don't think she'll leave. Trust in your love, okay?" I nod and exit her office.<br/>= = = =<br/>As I head back to the office, I think about what Dena said. Just about everything I've ever told her are things I wish I could say to Danni, but words don't come so easily to me. At least not when I'm looking into her gorgeous blue eyes, that is. I don't want to lose Danni, even if it means I'll never kneel at her feet ever again. As long as I can still love her, I'll be content. Not happy, never happy without her dominance, but content nonetheless.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>With the way the tension has been building at the office since Danni returned part-time, I decide to not go back. I call Chin and let him know, then turn the truck around and head for home.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>The house will be empty for several hours, and I decide to try and do as instructed by Dena.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I lock the bedroom door, just in case, and begin to slowly strip. As I do so, I take the time to find the proper headspace for this.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I've been experimenting with masturbation since I was twelve but haven't done it just for me since Danni and I first got together. Back then, my fantasies involved some of the girls I knew; granted, I didn't know many after Dad sent me to live with Joe, so I would use women I saw on TV. As I got older, those fantasies changed to involve women from porn. And of course, when I was involved with Cath, she was a frequent star.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>And then I met Danni, and it was always her I saw when I was jerking off. And now is no different.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>By the time I'm naked and stretched out on the bed, I'm so hard it hurts. Closing my eyes, I bring up my memory of the last time Danni and I had sex. Which, unfortunately, was the day we found out she was expecting Mallory.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Shaking off that thought, I remind myself of what Dena said and start slowly with just barely-there touches. Slowly I begin pressing harder while still keeping them slow. I run my fingers around my nipples, flicking them with my nails.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I remember the day Danni discovered just how much I like having my nipples played with. She spent nearly thirty minutes sucking, biting, pinching, and twisting them. They were red and angry looking by the time she moved on. And they throbbed in the best way possible for days after. Especially whenever she looked my way and quirked one brow.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>My breath is coming in huge pants before I've even gotten to my cock, and I begin to fear that I'll go off like a rocket with just a touch, so I slow things back down. Shifting my thoughts from Danni playing with my body, I think about all the things I like to do to her. My favorite thing is when she grabs my hair and uses my face to get off. There's always the slight worry that she'll smother me by sitting on my face, but she always pulls my head from between her legs before I completely run out of air.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Finally, I wrap my fingers around my straining erection and begin to slowly stroke from root to tip. I can't help but think of the first time a girl ever touched my dick.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I was fifteen, and we had gone to the first formal of the year together. About halfway through the dance, she pulled me out of the gym, and into an empty classroom. Before the door was even fully closed, she was reaching for my belt.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I was so shocked that she was able to get my half-hard cock out of my pants before my brain re-engaged, and I tugged on her wrist. She couldn't believe I wanted her to stop, and frankly, neither could I, but I didn't feel it was appropriate given the location.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Unfortunately, she disagreed, and I didn't have another sexual encounter until I was eighteen and some friends and I snuck off campus to go into the town near the military school I attended.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>And just like that, my sexual history flows behind my closed lids as I slowly stroke my dick. When I get to Danni, my strokes falter. The first time Danni and I did anything other than kiss, was just after Cath broke up with me.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I drove over to Danni's apartment, intent on finally fucking her. When I arrived, I found that she had other plans. She was on her period and had let her birth control lapse. So all we could do was make out. But that was okay because I got to see her naked breasts.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She tugged both our shirts off and then removed her bra before lying down on the couch. I seriously thought my dick was going to burst out of my pants; I was so fucking hard at the sight of her breasts.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I started kissing her belly, slowly moving up her torso. I tongue fucked her navel for several minutes before moving on. When I got to her breasts, I left several hickeys on the underside of each before licking a path up her right breast and taking the nipple into my mouth.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>With a moan, she arched up, pressing her breast into my face. I tentatively bit her nipple and felt her shiver in response. So I bit slightly harder, and this time she gasped my name. A harder bite had her tugging my hair. With a swipe of my tongue, I moved on to her other nipple and gave it the same treatment.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After several minutes of that, she slipped one hand between us and made quick work of my belt and fly, wiggling her hand inside to tug my dick out. She stroked up to the tip, pressing her thumb to the underside of the crown and squeezing. She had me coming before I was even aware it was a possibility.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>That memory slides into the one of the first time she took me as her submissive. That leads me to thinking about how much more wonderful this would be with Danni here watching, encouraging, possibly even talking dirty, telling me how she wants to use me as a flesh and blood sex toy. And just like that, my impending orgasm is gone, and my erection is deflating like a popped balloon.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Rolling from the bed, I mentally thank Dena for stressing that having an orgasm was not the goal. I know she said I don't have to tell her I did this, but I probably will. When I started seeing her, I promised myself that I would not keep anything to myself. Not even something as embarrassing as not climaxing during a solo sex session. Something that has not happened to me, ever. In fact, the only time I have not orgasmed during sex has been when ordered not to during a scene. And Danni usually lets me come once she releases me.<br/>= = = =<br/>A couple of weeks later, Danni hands me a letter from her therapist saying she's cleared for active duty.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Does she know you've been faking this whole time?" I know I've told myself that I shouldn't care, but I can't help it. Eight years of being conditioned to make this woman's health a priority isn't set aside so easily.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I don't care what you think, Commander. I'm tired of sitting on my ass watching y'all go out and get the bad guys. Are you gonna allow me back or not?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I look down at the paper in my hands and read the actual words, looking for a loophole. Not even two seconds after realizing that there is none, we get a call out to a scene.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Danni stomps away, and I have to grit my teeth and clench my fists while trying to remember that I love her and I shouldn't throttle her. At least, not in the office.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Steve?" Chin's voice is enough to pull me from the edge.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Want me to partner with Danni on this one?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I take and release a deep, calming breath. Much as I'd love to say no, I know that if I'm alone with her, I just might do something stupid, like forcing her to talk to me.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah. I'll partner with Kono. This means you and D have the lead."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"As if that'll scare me off. I'm bucking for a promotion, ya know."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Rolling my head on my shoulders to try and ease some of the tension that settled there nearly five months ago, I turn to face Chin. "I know. I think you should partner with Danni for a while. It'll look good in your jacket."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"She might not like it."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"After what she just did, I don't give a fuck. She's gonna get you as her partner until such time as we can be civil to each other."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"So, not a punishment?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"As if working with you could ever be considered as such."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>He chuckles and shoots me a shaka before jogging off after Danni's retreating form. Shaking my head at how easy going he is, I turn and make my way to Kono's side. At four months pregnant with her and Charlie's first baby, she's fast approaching the time when she won't be allowed in the field anymore.<br/>= = = =<br/>Every day, the members of my team try something to get Danni and me alone. I think they're hoping that if we're forced into a tight space, we'll be forced to talk and will have miraculously fixed out relationship. No such luck. During each encounter, Danni goes from steadfastly ignoring me to screaming at me for every little thing I've ever done wrong. And, of course, I scream right back. Luckily when it looks as if we're about to murder each other, they let us out.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After just one such encounter, I call Dena, hoping for some sympathy, maybe even some advice on how to get it to stop, only to have her tell me that she supports my team's efforts.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She says it's clear that Danni and I are not communicating outside of our couple's therapy. And while that's true, locking us in closets is not the way to get us to talk.<br/>= = = =<br/>And then comes the day I've been dreading for months. It's time for the kids to go back to school.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Danni and I decide to take the kids' first day of school off for several reasons, but the main one is because she had been looking forward to showing off her pregnant belly.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After taking the kids to school, we avoid the huge fucking elephant in the room by not talking or even being in the same room. She goes shopping, and I swim in the cove.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When the kids get home, we go through all the first day paperwork and decide who will sign what.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Okay, I have a calendar for Fallon," I say, picking the paper up to look at it closer. "Hm. I think we should alternate doing things in each class. What do you think?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When I look up to see why she hasn't responded, it's to find her looking at a piece of paper in her hand like it has personally offended her. I reach over and pluck it from her fingers. Turning it over, I see what caused her reaction: it's John's calendar, and the first field trip is to a pineapple farm. On Mallory's due date.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"So, I do field trips for John. You do them for Fallon?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She comes back to herself with a huge sigh. "Yeah, okay." With a cough, she pushes back from the table. "You got the rest of this?" And then she's gone, up the stairs before I can even answer her.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>The next several weeks are stressful. Danni has reverted almost back to how she was at the beginning of the summer. She barely looks at me and is actively ignoring my presence. It's starting to fucking hurt.<br/>= = = =<br/>When I tell John that I will be chaperoning his school activities, he has a full-blown meltdown. He throws himself to the floor, kicking his feet, pounding his fists on the floor, and screaming at the top of his lungs that he wants his Danno. I pick him up, getting one tiny, yet hard, heel to the crotch, and tell him that if he wants, he can just stay at the school while the rest of his class does fun things.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Once he's calmed down some, I remind him that due to all the fights he's been in so far this year, four and school started just six weeks ago, the school said that he could only participate in school activities if I act as chaperone.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"But I want Danno!" he shouts, his little face red from the force of his screams.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I get that, John, but we don't always get what we want in life. Your choices are: I-" I point a finger to my chest. "-chaperone you or you don't participate. You decide while sitting in the corner." I stand from my crouch and escort him with one hand to his shoulder to the corner that Danni used to make me stand in when giving me a mild punishment.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>John huffs and crosses his arms over his chest but stays where I put him.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I set a reminder on my phone for six minutes, one minute per year of age as suggested by all the books, and go in search of my wife. She needs to know about this.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Hey," I say when I find her on the beach. She turns slightly to let me know she heard me but doesn't speak. "Just to let you know, John is still every inch a Danno's boy. He threw himself down on the floor when I told him I would be his chaperone this year."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She takes and releases a deep breath. "Okay. How did you punish him?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"He's in the corner."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>That gets her to look at me. "He's in <i>your</i> corner?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah. I figured he needed a time out and sending him to his room doesn't work because that's where all his toys are."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Her lips twitch, and something in the general region of my heart unfurls at this hint of a smile. "How ever did you manage to not get hard when you put him there?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Because he was there? Punishing my son is not in any way sexy. Being punished by my wife and mistress, however, is very sexy." I step closer and lower my voice. "Want to put me on my knees after we put the kids to bed?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>And just like that, the wall between us is back up and has been fortified.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Her jaw set, she turns and marches back up the beach to the house.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Danni," I call, striding after her. "What did I say that's so wrong?" I reach out and touch her elbow.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She comes to a stop and spins to face me. "Michael has told you to not push me on this."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I didn't mean to push. We were having a moment and it felt like old times, back when I would have made a comment like that and you would have suggested we put the kids to bed early."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"But this isn't then!" She's practically vibrating with rage. "If I want you on your knees, I'll put you there." One finger appears in front of my face. "You have been told before that you are to wait for me to tell you what I need from you."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>The submissive in me wants to drop to my knees and kiss her feet. Deep inside, I'm rejoicing at this sign that my mistress is still alive within her. "Yes, Mistress," I whisper, stepping back and bowing my head. "Please forgive me for overstepping."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>From beneath my lashes, I see her pull herself up to her full height before squaring her shoulders. "It's been six minutes," she says just as my phone beeps.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>In the living room, I find John quietly sniffing but still standing where I had put him. "You can come out now, John."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>He turns and shuffles toward where Danni is standing in the doorway leading to the kitchen. "Danno." His voice is so pitiful.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I don't think Da is finished with your punishment. Are you Da?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"No, I'm not." I crouch down and wait for John to come to me. When he's standing in front of me, I lift his chin so I can see his eyes. "Do you have something to say to me?" He sticks his lower lip out and crosses his arms stubbornly over his chest. "Maybe you've made a decision about something?" He twists his chin out of my grip and sets his jaw. "Okay." I shrug and stand up. "I'd much rather spend my vacation days doing something by myself, anyway."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When I go to step around him, he screeches, "Da!"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I can see that Danni wants to step in but knows that I have to end it since I started this. "What, John? I told you your choices. If you don't want me going with you, then you don't get to go. That's the rule set by the school because your behavior this year has been horrible. Danno and I had to convince them to let you go as long as I chaperoned." I shrug again. "Like I said, it doesn't make any difference to me if you get to go or if you have to stay behind at school."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Why can't it be Danno?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Because it can't. Now, decide. Or I'm deciding for you and I can guarantee you won't like my decision."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>His sigh is loud and long and very put upon. "Fine. You can be the chaperone."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Now that that's settled," Danni says. "Do you want me or Da to bathe you?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"You!" He charges her and wraps his arms around her waist.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Then go get your things. I'll run the bath down here."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Okay!" And just like that, it's as if the past several minutes never happened.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Danni," I start, but she stops me with one upraised hand.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Not now, Steve."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I miss you, Danni."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When she turns to face me, I can see tears welling in her eyes. "I miss you, too, but I can't just yet."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"When?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She shakes her head but before she can answer, John comes skipping back down the stairs.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Danno! You forgot to get my bath ready!"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I am so sorry, son. Da and I got to talking. C'mon, let's go!"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>And once again, I am jealous of my son. He gets the Danni I am madly in love with. I know she's still hurting, but so am I. All I want is to hold her like I used to.<br/>= = = =<br/>The morning of John's field trip dawns bright and warm. It's the perfect day for a trip to a pineapple farm.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>John has me up before my usual time, so he gets to swim with me; a very rare treat, but the boy was born to swim. It makes me decide to see about putting him in a swim club.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After our swim, we shower. Another rare treat, getting to shower with me instead of having Danni bathe him. Although he did have her bathe him last night, it was more of a comfort thing after being punished.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>We're about halfway through breakfast when Fallon and Danni come stumbling into the kitchen. "How did I not wake when you got out of bed?" Danni asks around a yawn, making her way to the coffee pot.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I shrug. "Don't know. But you also slept though John's enthusiastic wake up call."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"What?!" Her panicked eyes meet mine.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>We haven't slept in the bed together since before Mallory and have been trying really hard to keep the kids from finding out. The look I return reminds her that I fell asleep before she did last night, so I was in the bed this morning. She nods, relief clear on her face.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Is it time now, Da?" John has cleared his plate in record time.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Someone's excited about this field trip." I chuckle and take our plates to the sink. "Almost. Go brush your teeth and finish dressing."<br/>= = = =<br/>Pineapple farming hasn't changed much since I was in school, so the tour is the same one I remember taking when I was in school.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I'm the only father that volunteered for this trip, probably the only one that ever has, and all the moms make a fuss. They're constantly checking to make sure John and I are okay. John just rolls his eyes and makes some comment about how his Danno has made sure we both know how to behave in public, which has me laughing at the sarcastic nature my son has inherited from his mother.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When we get back to the school, I decide to take him home with me. Our family therapist has suggested putting him in some martial arts classes to help curb his aggression. I go one better and rent time at a local gym so I can teach him myself.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>He has always been interested in my SEAL training, so I show him some of the easier moves. He quickly picks them up, and it soon becomes obvious that I do need to get him into a class. But that's something that needs to be discussed with Danni, first.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After a few hours of letting him beat me up, I call a halt and we go get Fallon from her school early, which is an even rarer treat. To add to the treat of spending a school day with me, I take them to the beach where they get some of Kame's shrimp and shave ice. I never have to worry about spoiling their appetites because they are always hungry.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Case in point: they've barely gotten wet in the tub before they're saying they're hungry. So I order the pizza, which arrives just as I'm getting them dressed in their pajamas. The pizza place we order from is very family-friendly, and they have mini pizzas for children. It's just big enough for John and Fallon to have one by themselves, although I'm confident they could probably eat a ten-inch pie all on their own.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I get them settled at the coffee table with some Disney show on the TV and head up to take my own shower. I don't need to worry about leaving them alone because as long as they have food to eat, they won't move from the spot they've been put in.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After a proper shower, I step out and dry off. With a muttered curse, I realize I didn't bring my clothes into the bathroom with me. Wrapping the towel around my hips, I open the door and step out, coming to a stop at the sight of Danni standing just inside our bedroom door.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I know I shouldn't be surprised to find her standing there, but I am. It must be because she's looking at me like I'm the best thing she's ever seen.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>The lines of exhaustion slowly ease from her face as her gaze trails down my torso, leaving heat in its wake. I know the instant she sees the bruise on my lower left abdomen, right where my vest ends. A bruise I got from being shot a few days ago. The submissive in me feels panic at what my punishment might be; I didn't tell her, and she didn't know because I was partnered with Chin and Grover that day, and I had asked them to not tell her.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But when all she does is continue to stand there, staring, I realize she's staring at where I have the towel wrapped around my waist. And that's when I realize I've wrapped the towel extremely low, and it's starting to slide off. I pull the towel off, hoping she'll become aroused, and order me to my knees so she can rub off on my face.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Her gaze moves slowly back up my body, she hasn't seen me naked in over five months, and I can see her frown when she again sees the bruise on my abdomen. But, once again, she doesn't say anything about my unreported injury.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>When she locks eyes with me, I watch the heat slowly build. My back stiffens; it has been months since she's looked at me like that. I can only hope that my mistress has returned. She gives me a small smile, and when she blinks, her eyes get soft around the edges. She says, "hi," in a shy, hesitant voice while pushing the door closed.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Some of the tension drains from my shoulders at her soft tone, and I feel my face soften. "Hi," I reply, matching my tone to hers.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Good day?" she asks. I know she's asking about the field trip. I wouldn't be surprised if John didn't call her to babble about the tour and how I practically had to beat the mothers off with a stick.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"It was fun, yeah." I'm suddenly self-conscious that I'm standing here buck naked while she's fully clothed, something that used to not bother me, so I shift and cover myself with the towel. "Um, I was-" I rub one hand along the back of my neck. "-I was thinking we could maybe ask Grace to, um, watch John and Fallon and then you and I could, uh, could go out?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I can see she thinks that's a good idea, but then her eyes narrow just slightly, and something has her saying, "I'm sorry. I've already promised Cath that I'd go out with her."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>And now I know exactly where I stand with her, squarely behind Catherine Rollins, and it stings enough to have me put the wall back up between us. "Oh, okay." Tossing the towel behind me into the bathroom, I grab my cargo shorts off the chair near the bathroom. I pull them on with jerky movements. Then take a shirt out of a drawer on my way out of the room. "Have fun," I say, trying, and failing, to keep the disappointment from my tone, before closing the door quietly.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I sit down on the couch and scowl at the TV, not even paying any attention to what's on. But my attention is instantly captured by Danni coming down the stairs nearly half an hour later.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She's wearing a dress I don't recall ever having seen before. It shows off her beautiful cleavage and shapely legs to perfection. I want nothing more than to carry her back upstairs and bury my face between those gorgeous thighs.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"You look pretty, Danno." Fallon leans back to smile up at Danni from where she's kneeling next to the coffee table.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Thank you, Bean." Danni leans over and kisses her nose. "You be good for Da, yeah?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Okay, Danno." John is so caught up in what he's watching that all he does is wiggle his fingers at her over his shoulder.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"D?" I stand from where I'm sitting just as she opens the door. "We need to talk."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She nods. "Tomorrow, maybe?" I nod my agreement. "Okay. Night, all."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She closes the door, and my first instinct is to chase after her, followed by an urge to get blackout drunk. Neither option is something I can do because of John and Fallon, so I grab my phone and head out onto the front porch.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Da has to make a call. You two behave. I can still see you."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yes, sir," they chorus, still munching on their pizza.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I punch in Dena's number and listen to it ring. After three rings, and just as I've decided she's not going to answer, she picks up and says, <i>What's wrong, Steve?"</i> in a breathless voice.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I can hear a faint rustling sound, like someone putting on clothes or rolling over under crisp linen sheets. "I'm interrupting."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>"No, it's fine."</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"It's not. You have company."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i><i>"Steve,"</i> she cuts across my protest. <i>"You have my home number for a reason. And you used it for the first time tonight. Now, tell me what's wrong."</i></i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I sit down on one of the chairs on the porch and scrub at my face. "She chose to spend time with a friend instead of me."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>"Did you ask her to spend time with you?"</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah, she came home while I was taking a shower. I was encouraged by the fact that she appeared interested when she saw me naked. But when I asked her to go out with me, she said she had already made plans."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>"Did she say who these plans were with?"</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah. Our friend, Cath."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i><i>"Cath? As in your former lover, Catherine Rollins?"</i> I've told Dena everything about my relationship with Danni, including how I was sleeping with Cath when I first kissed Danni.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah. I told you we're all friends and that Cath works with us."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i><i>"You did. I just forgot."</i> I can hear some whispering, then the sound of a door slamming shut. <i>"How does this make you feel?"</i></i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Like I could get drunk and should just stop caring." She sighs. "But mostly, it hurts that she'd rather be with Cath than me."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>"So, tell her. Write her a letter and put it where she will see it. And be very clear about how you feel. Do not give her anything she can take to mean anything other than what you actually mean."</i>
        </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah, okay." I take and release a deep breath. "Thank, Dena. Tell whoever's there that I'm sorry."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i><i>"They understand that this is the nature of my job, so don't worry. They'll get over this little snit soon enough."</i> And now I know why she wasn't shocked when I admitted to being Danni's submissive.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"I hope your evening goes better from here."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Her chuckle is nearly the same as the one Danni gives when she has 'plans' for me involving my ass and her paddle. <i>"Oh, it will. 'night, Steve."</i></i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"'night, Dena."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>After ending the call, I head back inside to find Fallon gnawing on the last of her crust. "You want, Da?" John holds his out to me.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Nah. Give 'em to your sister."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Fallon all but snatches them out of John's hands, almost as if she's afraid he'll take them back. "Hey!" John yelps, and I can see the beginnings of a scratch on his palm. "Da!" John holds his hand out to me, palm up. I can see tears starting to gather in his eyes, and his lower lip begins to tremble.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Let me see." I take his tiny hand in mine and examine the small cut. "Hm. Might need a few stitches. Should I get Danno's sewing kit?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"It does not need stitches!" He pulls his hand back and holds it protectively against his chest. "It's not that bad."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"No?" He shakes his head, making his curls bounce. "Want me to kiss it?" He nods and holds it out again. The barely-there scratch is already fading, but I press my lips to his skin, anyway. "There. All better." With a sniffle, he climbs up into my lap.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Why's Danno go out without you?" His tone says, 'why doesn't she want to spend time with us?'.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Because she needs to have a night where it's just her and Auntie Cath."</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Will she come back?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I hug his little body to me and kiss his head, thinking again how much my father would love this son of mine that my wife named after him. "Doesn't she always?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>"Yeah, I guess?"</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Once Fallon has finished eating, she joins her brother in my lap, and the three of us sit there, snuggling and watching TV together. And, of course, they both fall asleep on me. I've long since mastered the art of standing while holding two boneless children in my arms. Danni says it's pure luck that they're such deep sleepers. I say it's because we never insisted on complete silence while they slept.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>I tuck them into bed, and since they fell asleep on me, they get to sleep in John's bed, then head back downstairs. Entering the office, I sit down at the desk and turn on the computer to research how to tell my wife I still love and need her.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Like with my vows, I can't find anything that seems to fit what I'm trying to say. Then I remember this song that she likes that came out a few years ago. I google what I can remember of the lyrics and find that several of them fit with what I'm trying to say.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>While I'm pretty sure it's a break-up song, the words hit just the right emotional note. I grab some paper and a pen and start writing my heart out.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>About halfway through, I notice that I've begun to cry, and I think about starting over. But realize that the sight of my tears on the paper will help convince Danni of just how much our separation is hurting me.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Once I've finished, I take the letter upstairs and put it in the gun safe in the spot where her gun and badge go.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This whole series is full of firsts for me: first gender swap story, first story about a miscarriage. And then this one here: first time writing girl-on-girl smut (Danni cheating on Steve with Catherine). If this bothers you, please feel free to skip it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a hell of a day, which makes it the perfect end to one of the worst weeks I've had in months.</p><p>Everything that could go wrong in an investigation did. And the whole team seems to be at each other's throats, with Steve and I front and center.</p><p>Not that Steve and I arguing is anything new these days. Ever since Mallory, all we've done is snipe at each other; when we're not ignoring each other, that is. It's starting to take its toll on the kids. John is fighting at school, Fallon is refusing to participate in class, and Grace, well, it's a good thing she has to live on campus as a freshman at the University of Hawai'i at Mānoa. I hate that this is where we are, but I can't find a way back.</p><p>Some days I feel like Steve has abandoned me in my grief, and I find myself resenting him for it. I needed him like I've never needed him before five months ago, and he wasn't there for me. I know he was focused on making sure the kids got what they need but what about what I need? </p><p>Sure, I could have ordered him to attend me, but I seem to have lost that part of me along with my unborn daughter. And that's part of the problem. Our dynamic has changed, and not for the better. It has thrown everything in our lives off, from our personal relationship to our working one, and the cracks are starting to show.</p><p>So when Cath asked me to go out with her tonight, I jumped at the chance to blow off some steam.</p><p>I know a lot of people think I'm crazy to be friends with Steve's ex-lover, but she helped us get together, and they were never serious. Not to mention she's a great person to have at your back during an emergency.</p><p>Steve took today off to go on a field trip with John's class; at the start of the year, we were handed a list of all scheduled field trips. The one today not only lands on Mallory's due date but is also to a pineapple farm. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to handle the one-two punch of the pineapple farm with what I should have been doing today, Steve offered to go as chaperon.</p><p>With Steve out, and no pending cases, I decide to end the day a bit early; the fact that the whole day sucked ass has absolutely nothing to do with that decision (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it). The only thing to make the day somewhat bearable was a brief phone call from John halfway through the day gushing about the farm and how the mothers are all making eyes at Steve.</p><p>When I get home, I find John and Fallon eating pizza at the coffee table while watching some kid's program on the Disney channel.</p><p>"Danno!" They jump up and rush me.</p><p>After returning their hugs and kissing their heads, I shoo them back to finish their dinner. "Is Da out swimming?"</p><p>"Nope." And that's when I realize I can hear the shower running.</p><p>If I'm quick, I can grab my clothes to change into at Cath's and be out the door before he leaves the bathroom. But of course, Murphy's Law rules, and I open the bedroom door just as he comes out of the bathroom, steam curling around his torso like a lover reluctant to let him go. </p><p>The towel instantly snags my gaze; he has it wrapped so low on his hips that I can see the base of his penis. The sight has me remembering the look of it, the feel of it in my hand, and how it feels when he enters me. But mostly, it has me remembering the <i>taste</i> and feel of it in my mouth. I swallow thickly and clench my thighs together as moisture gathers on the crotch of my panties. It's been nearly seven months since I've felt even a hint of arousal, and I don't know how to deal with its return.</p><p>As I watch, one of Steve's sun-browned hands grabs the edge of the towel and whips it off, presenting me with his half-hard cock. And it is just as I remembered it. I want nothing more at this moment than to order him to his knees at my feet so I can rub off against his face. But the past five months of tense dealings and passive-aggressive arguments stays my hand. </p><p>I slowly raise my gaze, frowning when I notice a bruise on his lower abdomen just above where his vest sits, and realize I'm going to have to punish him for not alerting me to the fact he was injured. But even so, my lips and fingers tingle with the desire to touch each and every inch of his sun-kissed skin. When I finally reach his face, I find him staring at me with a challenge clear in his eyes. A challenge I refuse to accept because I am so very tired of fighting.</p><p>"Hi," I say softly, pushing the door closed behind me.</p><p>The aggressive challenge leaves his face as some of the tension drains from his shoulders at my soft tone. "Hi," he replies just as softly.</p><p>"Good day?" I ask, even though I remember every word John said about the trip.</p><p>"It was fun, yeah." He shifts and causally moves the towel to cover himself. "Um, I was-" He rubs one hand along the back of his neck. "-I was thinking we could maybe ask Grace to, um, watch John and Fallon and then you and I could, uh, could go out?" </p><p>It sounds like a lovely idea; a date with my husband. Something I haven't thought about in way too long. But something flickers in his eyes, and I find myself saying, "I'm sorry. I've already promised Cath that I'd go out with her." It's not like she'd mind. In fact, if she finds out I turned Steve down for her, she'll probably kick my ass. The whole team has been trying to get us back together ever since the doctor released me back to full active duty three weeks ago.</p><p>And just like that, the wall slams back down between us. "Oh, okay." He snatches his cargo shorts off the chair near the bathroom, pulling them on with jerky movements, and snags a shirt out of a drawer on his way out of the room. "Have fun," he says, disappointment heavy in his tone, just before closing the door quietly.</p><p>The fact that he didn't slam the door tells me more than if he had. Over the years, I've learned that the quieter someone, especially Steve, is when angry, then the angrier they are. It's when he's screaming and hollering that I know how to handle him. But this quiet anger leaves me at a loss for how to proceed. Except that I know how to deal with it. Only problem is I can't seem to make myself do it.</p><p>I pull the clothes from my body and enter the bathroom, inhaling deeply the scent of Steve that lingers. As I climb under the shower spray, another wave of arousal washes over me, so I slip my fingers inside to try and take the edge off. But either it's been too long since I've done this, or I'm too frustrated with myself because all I do is make it worse.</p><p>With an annoyed groan, I quickly finish bathing then exit the bathroom to get dressed. I don't have time to straighten my hair, so I just finger comb the curls, hoping they don't look like I haven't washed them in days. I apply the barest of makeup (mascara and lipstick) and just grab the nearest dress from the closet.</p><p>The dress just so happens to be a cocktail dress that I've only worn once before. The boat neck emphasizes my cleavage without showing too much, and the knee-skimming circle skirt shows off my legs to perfection. A pair of strappy heels completes the look.</p><p>"You look pretty, Danno." Fallon smiles upside down at me from where she's kneeling next to the coffee table.</p><p>"Thank you, Bean." I lean over and take her face in my hands so I can kiss her nose. "You be good for Da, yeah?"</p><p>"Okay, Danno." John doesn't even turn to look at me, just wags his fingers at me over his shoulder.</p><p>"D?" Steve calls just as I open the door. "We need to talk." </p><p>I nod. "Tomorrow, maybe?" I'm sure I know what he wants to talk about, but just the thought has my heart pounding in my chest. He nods. "Okay. Night, all," I say, kissing my fingers before exiting the house and getting in the Camaro.</p><p>Every second of every mile to Cath's house, I'm fighting with the part of me that's insisting I turn around and let my husband take me to our bedroom and make love to me. The man I love made a move, but I rejected it. Why? Why am I not at home getting to know him again? I have no idea, but I can't seem to force myself to turn the car around and go back home.</p><p>I come to a screeching halt in front of Cath's house. If her street was any dustier, I'd have kicked up a small dust cloud, I stop so forcefully. Jumping from the car, I slam the door and head up the steep incline of her yard. She must have been watching for me because she has the door open before I'm even halfway across the lawn.</p><p>I give her a nod of greeting before marching agitatedly past her into the house. "Did something happen?" She closes the door and turns to lean back against it.</p><p>"You could say that." I pace in front of the coffee table. "He was coming out of the shower when I got home."</p><p>"And you're here!? Are you insane?" She opens the door and shows me the way out with one hand. "Get your ass home and under that man!"</p><p>I stop pacing and huff at her. "I can't do that."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"He said we need to talk."</p><p>"So go talk! And then let him fuck your brains out."</p><p>I bite my lip to keep the sob that's clawing its way up my throat behind my teeth. "You don't understand. He wants to '<i>talk</i>'." I use my fingers to make quotes in the air. "There's only one thing that could mean."</p><p>"Fight for him, Daniel. You do still love him, right?" I nod, tears welling in my eyes. "Then go to him!" She steps over to me and folds me into her embrace. "I'll follow along and bring Fallon and John back here for the night."</p><p>I shake my head. "Thanks but no. I can't talk to him right now."</p><p>Cath pushes me back so she can see my face. "And why the fuck not?"</p><p>I fidget nervously. "Because-" I turn away from her, my face heating with the force of my blush. "-I'm horny."</p><p>She laughs. "All the more reason to go to him, now!"</p><p>I spin back. "You don't understand. When I told him I was going out with you the wall came down between us. He won't be receptive to any advances from me. Not tonight."</p><p>"So what are you saying? You want to fuck a stranger?"</p><p>"No. I'd never cheat with a stranger."</p><p>I can see the exact moment she catches my drift. "Oh!" She points a finger at her chest. "With me, then?"</p><p>I shrug. "If you're willing, yes?"</p><p>She tilts her head, and I can tell she's actually thinking about it. "You ever been with a woman before?"</p><p>"When I was eleven; so not sure that counts. Have you?"</p><p>The grin and eyebrow wiggle she gives me answers my question. "It's easier for women in the military to hide it."</p><p>Nerves kick in again, and I start wringing my hands. "So, what now?"</p><p>"Now-" She stalks me where I'm standing. "-I do this." This being: taking me in her arms and sealing her mouth to mine.</p><p>It quickly becomes obvious that she taught Steve a thing or two about kissing or that he taught her a few things because her technique is similar to his. I go up on my toes so I can wrap my arms around her neck and press my body to hers, deepening the kiss at the same time. Her hands slide down my flanks and over the curve of my ass, where she cups my cheeks, lifting me enough that our hips are aligned.</p><p>Eventually, we need to breathe, so we pull back and gulp in lungfuls of air. Standing there, staring at her, I can see just why Steve was with her for so long. She may not be a Dominant like I am, but she's close enough to take care of his need to be submissive. And it's that dominant side that I need from her tonight. Steve has been my submissive too long to give me what I need right now.</p><p>"The bedroom that way?" I ask with a flick of my head in the direction of the hall.</p><p>She nods before leaning in to steal another kiss. I take her face in my hands to hold her steady when I pull back, then turn and, taking one of her hands in mine, lead her from the living room; her kisses having done a great job of reminding me why I'm here.</p><p>I'm not so naive as to think this will be anything like having sex with Steve; far from it, actually. But even so, I'm determined to get my groove back so I can put my husband through his paces again.</p><p>My nerves return in the bedroom, but Cath must sense that because she steps close and takes the lead. Pulling me gently to her, she rains kisses all over my face while slowly raising the back of my dress. A gasp escapes when her calloused fingertips trail lightly up the backs of my thighs before teasing the elastic on my panties. </p><p>One hand presses flat against the small of my back while one deft finger of the other hand runs down my crack and around until she can feel the moisture gathered on the thin cotton of the crotch of my panties.</p><p>She teases me for a few seconds before stepping back. I sway drunkenly on the spot before finding my equilibrium. "Tell me exactly why you're not at home getting this from your husband." I shiver at the slight authoritative tone.</p><p>Licking my lips, I search internally for the answer. She raises one brow impatiently, and I know exactly why I'm asking this of her. "Steve is too much of a submissive. I need someone to take me down."</p><p>Her eyes widen. "I had a feeling but wasn't positive."</p><p>"I'm surprised Kono didn't tell you."</p><p>"She hinted but would never confirm." She nods thoughtfully. "That explains quite a bit. So tell me what you need."</p><p>"I need someone to force me to stop thinking and just feel."</p><p>"Okay. So we can do this gently?" I nod. "Good. I can't see myself being rough with you. Although if I feel like you want, or need, it later, I can certainly give it to you that way."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"Now, safeword?"</p><p>"I use 'Army' with Steve."</p><p>She laughs. "That explains why he grinds his teeth when you call him 'Army man'."</p><p>"Actually, I've done that from the beginning. And I do it because it irritates him."</p><p>"It does indeed." She tucks one hand in the opposite armpit and props her elbow on top, her chin cupped in her palm. "Okay, so when you say 'Army', I'll ask how you're doing. If you want to continue but slower, you'll say-" I answer with, "Yellow." She nods. "Good. If you want me to stop completely-" This time, I answer with, "Red." She winks at me. "Awesome. If I'm just checking in and you're good-"</p><p>"I'll say 'green'."</p><p>"Perfect." She walks backward until she can sit down in a chair in the corner. "Strip." Crossing one long leg over the other, she looks like a true Mistress waiting for her submissive to follow an order.</p><p>Reaching behind me, I slowly lower the zipper on my dress before lowering the straps from my shoulders, letting them slide down my arms and then pushing it down over my hips where I let it pool on the floor at my feet.</p><p>Because I was in a sexy mood when I got dressed, I'm wearing my sexiest undergarments: a black silk bra and panties set with ivory lace overlay. It just so happens to be Steve's favorite, but that's not why I'm wearing it.</p><p>I unhook my bra and pull the straps down and off, dropping it on top of my dress. Tucking my thumbs in the sides of my panties, they, too, join my bra and dress in a pile at my feet. Stepping out of the circle of my clothes, I slip off my shoes and finally stand before one of my best friends as naked as the day I was born.</p><p>I had expected to feel embarrassed standing completely naked before a fully clothed woman, but the fact that this is Catherine, and the fact that she's seen me naked before (although in totally different circumstances), keeps most of the embarrassment at bay.</p><p>She looks me up and down for a long moment before twirling her finger, indicating that I should turn around so she can see all of me. I do as ordered as slowly as I can. "Very nice. On the bed-" She points at it. "-in the middle, flat on your back with your knees bent and spread as wide as is comfortable, and your hands above your head, holding the headboard."</p><p>I slowly crawl up on the bed and get into the position, and the tremors start. I haven't submitted to anyone since Professor, and even then, I had Trevor to ground me. The heat of a blush creeps up my body from the soles of my feet to the top of my head at the knowledge that it's Cath that's looking at me all spread out before her like a buffet.</p><p>The bed at my feet dips when she kneels between my spread legs. "How are you?" she asks, trailing the tips of the fingers of her right hand down my left inner thigh, making it twitch.</p><p>"Green, Lieutenant." 'Mistress' just feels wrong, so I hope she doesn't mind me using her rank. The lopsided smirk she gives me tells me she doesn't mind.</p><p>Cath's first touch on my labia is feather-light, barely there, but it causes me to jump nonetheless. She rubs soothing circles low on my abdomen. I'm not sure exactly what I expect her to do, maybe something similar to what Steve does, so I'm quite surprised when she parts my labia with two fingers and teases my opening with a third. </p><p>When I begin rocking my hips to try and get more friction, she stops teasing and begins actually fucking me with three fingers. She keeps her fingers spread just enough for me to feel the stretch. I catch my lower lip between my teeth and dig my toes into the mattress. By the time she slips her pinky in along with her other fingers, my chest is heaving, and I can feel sweat beginning to appear on my skin.</p><p>I'm enjoying what she's doing, that slow build to the edge, when she gets her thumb in on the action. The combination of her fingers rubbing me inside and out has me taking a flying leap over the top. I throw my head back and clench down hard on the fingers pumping in and out of my pussy.</p><p>When I'm once again aware of my surroundings, I find that she's moved on to the next thing without me. And, okay, it is now confirmed that she taught Steve how to eat a woman out, although Cath does use her teeth more than Steve does.</p><p>I'm back to riding a very nice wave, getting close, and then being pulled back. It's exciting and frustrating all at once. Then just when I think she's going to tease me for the rest of the night, she latches onto my clit, sucking and flicking it with her tongue. My world explodes into a million tiny pieces.</p><p>This time, when I come back to Earth, I find Cath curled around me, gently kissing my right shoulder and rubbing circles on my left hip.</p><p>"You taught him a lot, didn't you?"</p><p>She chuckles. "I actually <i>un</i>taught him a lot."</p><p>"Well, there was one move that you missed."</p><p>"Let me guess." She props her head on her left hand while her right begins drawing random patterns on my stomach. "Pressing his face tight against you and shaking it back and forth."</p><p>She manages to surprise me. "Yeah. Why didn't you get him to stop it?"</p><p>"I tried. Guess he needed to be <i>ordered</i> to stop."</p><p>We share a laugh. "He does take orders really well, I must say."</p><p>"Of course he does." Cath rolls over to lie on her back next to me, and that's when I realize she's still dressed. </p><p>"Your turn, Lieutenant." I roll over and place my left hand on her left leg right above her knee and slide it up under her skirt.</p><p>She shifts her legs open a bit more, silently encouraging me to continue. When I get to the apex of her thighs, I skim a finger over the crotch of her panties. The size of the wet spot has me hiding my smug grin in her shoulder.</p><p>After teasing her for a minute or two, I run my finger along the leg opening before slipping it under the elastic of her waistband. I do to her what she did to me, and soon she's panting and moaning, her hips twitching as she chases her orgasm on my fingers. One flick of my thumb has her flinging back her head and clenching down hard on my fingers. </p><p>Pulling my hand from her panties, I contemplate licking them clean, but before I can decide, she pulls my hand down and sucks my fingers clean. "God, you're nasty!" I laugh before leaning down and licking my way into her mouth.</p><p>She pushes me back. "Your husband doesn't seem to mind."</p><p>"Oh, it's gonna be like that, huh?" I rise up on my knees and bop her over the head with a pillow.</p><p>Laughing, she tackles me to the bed. "Yeah, just like that!" She straddles my waist and pulls her dress off over her head revealing that all she has on underneath is a pair of white cotton panties. I've always been envious of Cath's small breasts and tonight is no different. Cath is small enough that she doesn't need a bra, while I've always been so large that going without one is painful.</p><p>Reaching up, I palm her breasts, squeezing a little. She bites her lip and groans, her eyes rolling back in her head. <i>Could her breasts really be that sensitive?</i> I mean, mine are, but I thought it was because of their size. Now I'm not so sure.</p><p>We spend the next several hours worshiping each other's bodies, and I learn that having sex with another woman has some serious advantages, mainly that there's little to no recovery time. </p><p>Somewhere around midnight, we fall into an exhausted, sweaty heap and sleep the sleep of the thoroughly fucked.</p><p>The first thing I'm aware of when I wake is that I'm alone in the bed. But since that's nothing new, it doesn't bother me. What <i>does</i> is the fact that the sun is shining in from the wrong angle. I open my eyes and blink my surroundings into focus. It takes a few seconds before I recognize Cath's bedroom, and once I do, everything that happened last night comes flooding back.</p><p>I refuse to feel ashamed or regret what happened. Cath's one of my best friends, and she was just helping me get over the last hurdle in my way back to Steve. </p><p>And then my gaze lands on the clock, and I realize it's well after 8. All hope of arriving home before Steve could become aware I was out all night is dashed. I spring from the bed and quickly get dressed. I'd love to take a shower but don't have time or clean clothes to change into.</p><p>Cath is nowhere to be found inside the house, so I take that to mean she's gone for her morning run. I scribble her a quick note and leave it where she's bound to see it.</p><p>The front door opens just as I reach for the knob, revealing a sweat-soaked Cath. I jump back and put my hand on my chest over my wildly beating heart. "You startled me."</p><p>"Sorry. Leaving already? I was going to make breakfast."</p><p>"Much as I'd love that, really, I should be getting home. Steve's pissed enough as it is."</p><p>She gives a sad little nod. "Right."</p><p>"Cath." I put one hand on her arm. "No regrets."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Really. You helped me last night. How could I possible regret that?"</p><p>"Glad to help." Her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Do me a favor and don't lead with this when you talk to Steve? Tell him everything you figured out first. Okay?"</p><p>"Okay." I lean forward and press my lips to hers. "I love you."</p><p>"Love you too." She flashes me a more genuine smile.</p><p>I spend the drive home going over what I want to tell Steve, purposely avoiding mentioning what - or rather who - I spent last night doing. I have no idea how he'll react to the news that I cheated with his ex, but I know that I have to tell him. And Cath's right, I should tell him <i>after</i> I convince him I want to work things out between us. </p><p>Pulling into the drive, I can see Steve bent over the engine of the Marquis, looking way too good for my health in a pair of well-worn jeans. After putting the Camaro in neutral and turning off the engine, I sit and stare at my beautiful pet for several long moments with thoughts of having him prop me up on the workbench behind him and fucking my brains out.</p><p>Eventually, he becomes aware of my scrutiny and looks at me over his shoulder, his brows lowered in a frown. I give him a tentative smile, but his frown just deepens. I did not expect it to be easy coming home after a night out, but I never thought he'd make it even more difficult.</p><p>With a sigh, I pull the key from the ignition and pick the small evening bag up off the passenger seat before exiting the car and heading for the house.</p><p>I'm so distracted by the tension between Steve and me that I only absently notice that my children aren't there to greet me.</p><p>Upstairs, I undress and step into the shower. I really want to wash my hair since it desperately needs it, but don't want to take any longer than absolutely necessary since this conversation with Steve is five months overdue.</p><p>After my quickest shower ever, I pull on a pair of jeans that are so old they've molded to my form and a white tee just like the one Steve's wearing. I choose these clothes deliberately. I know how Steve feels about me in jeans, and the white tee is just old enough to be almost see-through. And when combined with my black lace bra, well, let's just say that I am done playing fair where my husband is concerned.</p><p>While I take a moment to decide if I want to fool with putting on actual shoes or if I just want to wear my slippers, I pull my back up gun and badge from the beaded bag I used last night. Opening the safe that's tucked on one of the shelves in the closet, I'm confronted by a white envelope with my name scrawled on it in Steve's handwriting lying on top of my service weapon.</p><p>I swap the envelope for my back up and badge and stand staring at my name as the seconds tick by. Surely he wouldn't ask for a divorce in a letter? I mean, that is definitely a face-to-face conversation, right?</p><p>Knowing my questions won't get answered by osmosis, I tear open the envelope and pull out the single sheet of notebook paper. I quickly scan the page, looking for the word 'divorce' but don't see it, so I go back to the top and read it carefully.</p><p>
  <i>D,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>My therapist has encouraged me to write you this letter since we can't seem to speak to each other without screaming these days.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>As you know, I'm still no good with words, so I, once again, went online to see if I could find any inspiration. And just like for my vows, I had difficulty finding something that said what I'm feeling. Until I remembered this song you liked when it came out a few years ago. I know it's probably a break-up song, but it does say what I can't find the words to express.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Before I get to the lyrics that really hit home for me, let me stress that I love you more now than I did when we first got married. Watching you struggle with Mallory's loss has only strengthened my love and respect. I wanted desperately to help you through that, but the kids needed me, and then I lost you and couldn't find you. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Anyway, the lyrics that express exactly what I'm feeling are:</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Anywhere I would've followed you (I would have, really. I left to settle the kids with your parents, and when I got back, you were gone.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Say something; I'm giving up on you (I didn't want to, but I needed to grieve, so I stopped looking in order to take care of myself.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>And I am feeling so small (I didn't know how to help you. I hate feeling useless, especially where you and the kids are concerned.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It was over my head (I can never know your pain, but I can share it. If you'll just let me.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I know nothing at all (Except that I love you more and more every day.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I'm still learning to love (And I am. I learn a new way to love you and the kids every second of every day.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you (This line is the one that really hit home for me. And that Robin Williams movie where he finds his wife in Hell. I think our (my) main problem is that I didn't look hard enough for you; I couldn't find a way to join you in your grief. Please let me in.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>And I will swallow my pride (I have no pride when it comes to asking you for assistance. You are the reason I get up in the mornings; the reason I do what I do every day.)</i>
</p><p>
  <i>You're the one that I love (And you are. Until you, I never knew what that word meant (maybe I should have used that in my vows, huh?))</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Please, Danni. Let me help you find a way to let Mallory go. Let me help you grieve (if you still need that). But mostly, just let me love you again.</i>
</p><p>He signed his name at the bottom with a big flourish. Somewhere in the middle of the letter, my knees gave out, and I sat down on the side of the bed. As I finish reading the most beautiful letter I have ever read, a sob escapes, and tears drip down my face. When one splashes on the paper in my hand, I notice slight stains smudging some of the words. Did he cry while writing this? Has my lack of attention taken that much of a toll on him? Why couldn't I see that?</p><p>Of course, I know the answers to these questions. Steve did indeed cry while pouring his heart out to me in a way that is not his strength but that he knows will get to me. And, of course, my lack of attention has gotten to him. He had become used to being one of my main focuses, but I've all but ignored him these past five months. And I couldn't see it because I was still hiding from him. But all of that ends now.</p><p>I jump up from the bed and race downstairs and out to where he's working on his car. It isn't until the concrete's heat burns the bottoms of my bare feet that I realize I forgot to put on shoes.</p><p>"Steve!" I come to a stumbling stop when I come up against the invisible wall of 'Do Not Touch' that he has built up around him. "Steve." His name comes out on a broken sob.</p><p>He doesn't even turn to look at me when he barks, "What, Danni?"</p><p>"Your letter…" His head whips around, and my words dry up at the anger in his eyes.</p><p>"You decided to get dressed after reading it?"</p><p>"No. I got dressed before I even found it." He huffs a breath, and I can tell he doesn't believe me. But I can't let that distract me. "Your letter-" I hold it out and once again don't get any more words out when he turns to face me fully.</p><p>"This stupid fucking letter!" He snatches it from my hand and begins tearing it up while walking over to his workbench.</p><p>"Steve! No!" I rush after him, trying to get him to stop. He just twists his arm out of my grip. "Why did you do that?"</p><p>"I shouldn't have fucking written it." He throws the pieces into an empty coffee can that usually holds nuts and bolts.</p><p>"No!" I pick up a couple of pieces, doing my level best to keep the tears from falling. "I'm glad you wrote it."</p><p>"You are?" He sounds surprised, and I can't blame him. I haven't given him any reason to think I even still like him, much less love him these past months.</p><p>"Yes. Because it told me that we're on the same page; that there's hope for our marriage."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>Giving up on trying to force the paper whole again with my mind, I turn to face him. "Really. I never stopped loving you. I just got lost in my grief and then I hid from you. And to make it worse, I blamed you for not being able to find me." I step closer to him and go up on my toes so that I can look him in the eye better. "Cath helped me understand that, along with a few other things."</p><p>"Going out bar hoping with Cath helped you understand all that?"</p><p>I shake my head. "We didn't go out. I was too-" I pause and try to decide if I should tell him now or wait. "-too…" I can't find a proper word other than the right one, but I'm not ready to tell him I was too horny to go out, so I just wave my hand in a circle and let him make his own conclusions.</p><p>He nods. "Never a good idea to go out drinking when you're annoyed."</p><p>"Exactly!" Encouraged by the fact that we've been speaking civilly for several minutes now, I step up on his booted feet and wrap my arms around his neck. "How about we get into the backseat of that car and make up?"</p><p>A familiar look appears in his eyes, and his hands go straight to my ass to squeeze and lift me a tad higher. "I'm all dirty."</p><p>"I <i>am</i> wash and wear, ya know. Besides, when have I ever complained about you getting grease on me?"</p><p>"God, I've missed you!" His head swoops down, and he captures my lips with his.</p><p>Steve's kiss is just as I remember, and it has my whole body lighting up like a Christmas tree. I wrap one leg around his hip, and he takes the hint, picking me up and carrying me to the car, where he presses me between it and his body. When one of his hands finds its way under my shirt, I realize he has no intention of opening the back door so that we can make this a little bit more private.</p><p>I pull my mouth from his, and he instantly buries his face in my neck, then just as quickly pulls back. Lifting a strand of my hair, he sniffs it. "You smell like Cath."</p><p>"Well, I did spend the night in her bed."</p><p>He lifts my hair to his nose again. "I know this smell. You do not get this smell on you from casual contact." Another sniff. "You had sex with her!"</p><p>I bite my lip and wait for the yelling about my betrayal, the demand for a divorce. But he doesn't so much as shift his weight off me. "That's not something I ever wanted to share with you." He sounds - hurt? disappointed? - I'm not sure, but it hurts to hear it.</p><p>"I'm sorry." And I am. I'm sorry that I hurt him this way. "I didn't know what would happen if I let you touch me last night so I went to her."</p><p>He blinks. "Wait, what?"</p><p>I push on his shoulders until he sets me on my feet. "I was horny. Something I haven't felt in seven months. I tried to take care of it myself in the shower but it didn't work. I was afraid something similar would happen if I went to you. Plus, after I rejected you…" I trail off with a shrug.</p><p>"You seriously think I would have refused any move you made?" Now he sounds like he doesn't even know me anymore.</p><p>"Well, yeah. I mean, you asked me out to dinner and I turned you down in favor of Cath. I figured that if I turned around and came home you'd say no just to be ornery."</p><p>He shakes his head. "How'd we get here, Danno?" Wrapping one hand around my hip, he pulls me back between him and the car. "And how do we get back to where we were?"</p><p>"We got here because we're both stubborn and we can never go back. All we can do is move on and learn from our mistakes."</p><p>"I'll take that." He leans down and kisses me gently. "Now, I do believe you said something about making out in the backseat of the car." Steve wiggles his eyebrows, the heat of his arousal back in his eyes.</p><p>"I actually said let's make up in the backseat. But if you only want to make out…" I shrug as if it doesn't matter to me.</p><p>"Get in the damn car!" He yanks the backdoor open and points at the interior.</p><p>I bite my lip, stick my nose in the air and saunter up to him before sliding into the car as seductively as I can. The nearly sub-vocal growl from deep in Steve's throat tells me I was completely successful. And then he's crowding me further into the car while trying to take off my shirt.</p><p>Sex between us used to be full of laughter, and I've sorely missed my husband's lighter side. I end up horribly twisted up in my shirt as we both try to take it off while maintaining as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. My sides soon start to hurt; I'm laughing so hard. Eventually, we get the offending garment off over my head, and I take Steve's face in my hands so I can rub my nose against his before pressing a kiss to his smiling lips.</p><p>"God, I've missed this!" I say with a wistful sigh.</p><p>"I've missed you." And just like that, the playful mood is gone. But not the passion. </p><p>Steve leans down and begins kissing my chest, pressing me back against the door. I shift until I'm lying flat on the seat with him hovering over me. I begin working on his belt while he sucks hickeys into the skin of my breasts above the upper lace edge of my bra.</p><p>Finally, I have his erection hot and heavy in my hand, and I stroke it lovingly with just the tips of my fingers in an effort to relearn the shape and feel of it.</p><p>The heat of Steve's mouth on my left nipple combined with the feel of his hot palm on my right breast tells me that he's lowered the cups of my bra. I reluctantly let go of his length to reach behind me to undo the clasp on my bra. He leans back and watches with heavy-lidded eyes, his tongue running slowly along his bottom lip. As soon my bra straps clear my hands, Steve buries his head between my breasts, biting, sucking, and licking. I come apart with a shudder.</p><p>He pulls back and blinks down at me. "Did you just…?"</p><p>I nod and reach for his head to pull him back down, but he resists. "Steve!"</p><p>The pleading note in my voice has him smirking at me. "I haven't gotten you off that quickly in years."</p><p>"I know! Now get back to it. We have seven months to make up for."</p><p>This time when he leans back down, he brushes kisses to my abdomen. When he gets to my navel, he teases it with his tongue for a moment before moving on. The waistband of my jeans stops him from going any further. Using his teeth, he pops the button before lowering the zipper and then burying his nose in the exposed area. After taking several deep breaths, he looks up at me. "Such a naughty girl, walking around without panties."</p><p>I shove my jeans down as far as I can with him lying on top of me. "I was intent on seducing my husband. Panties would have just gotten in the way."</p><p>He finally gets the hint and helps me take my pants off the rest of the way. "Is that right?"</p><p>"Yes." I thread the fingers of my right hand in his hair while rubbing my clit with my left. "Now eat me."</p><p>His eyes snap up to mine, and I see him take a shuddering step into his headspace. "Yes, Mistress."</p><p>Steve knows just how I like it, but for some reason, today, he doesn't go straight for the guaranteed to please moves, instead choosing to tease with his nose and lips before probing between the folds with his tongue. I'm close to another orgasm when Steve pulls my hand away and uses his teeth to force me over the cliff. My climax is so intense I'm afraid I'm squeezing his head like a melon with my thighs.</p><p>Since my hands are still fisted in his hair, effectively keeping him pressed tight against me while I ride out the aftershocks, I use my feet to help him push his jeans down. I need him inside me so fucking badly. "Condom." My voice cracks, so I clear my throat and try again. "Condom."</p><p>He pulls back just enough to ask, "What?"</p><p>"I need you in me so get a fucking condom." I lift his head enough to see his face. "You do have one, right?"</p><p>"Since I'm no longer in my twenties, no, not on me." I start to extract myself from under him, intent on getting dressed and heading upstairs where I know there are condoms. "But there might just be…" He leans over the seat, and I can hear him rummaging around in the glove box. "Yes!" A condom lands on my stomach seconds before he flops back down on the seat.</p><p>"And just why is there a condom in the car? And how do you know it's not expired?" I pick it up while eyeing him with one brow raised.</p><p>"I put it in there six months ago in anticipation of the return of your sex drive." He waggles his brows at me. "One answer to both questions." His grin is infectious, and I can't help but laugh at how smug he looks.</p><p>"Fair enough." When he reaches for the condom, I slap his hand away. "Greasy hands do not get to touch anything that'll be going inside me. Plus, you still have your boots on."</p><p>He makes a sound of frustration deep in his throat but starts removing his boots. Since I can't help due to the back seat's cramped space, I do the next best thing: I distract him by rubbing my foot everywhere I can reach.</p><p>When I run my big toe over his erection, he lifts my foot away and says, "Stop that."</p><p>"You did not just tell me no," I say in my best Mistress voice.</p><p>When he turns to look at me, I can see him step even further into his headspace. "I did not mean it that way, Mistress. Just if you want me to fuck you I need to finish undressing and I can't do that with you distracting me like that."</p><p>"Too bad. Your body belongs to me. If I want to touch it, I will."</p><p>"Of course, Mistress. My apologies."</p><p>When he returns to removing his boots and jeans, I content myself with just watching because he's right; my rubbing my foot on him was preventing him from doing what I had told him to do.</p><p>Finally, he's finished and leaning over me on his hands and knees. I tear open the condom and roll it down his length. "When we get upstairs I just might have to punish you for telling me no."</p><p>"As you wish, Mistress."</p><p>"Or I might just spank you to remove the last of that tension from your shoulders."</p><p>"Yes, please." I can almost feel his need, and it is nearly as great as my own.</p><p>Leaning up, I nip his chin. "Relax, Dog. I got you."</p><p>Hooking my feet beneath his ass, I guide him into me, my breath catching in my throat at the slight burn. "This is my favorite part."</p><p>He has to fold me almost double to get as deep as I like, but that just makes it better. The air inside the car quickly becomes hot and heavy. Sweat appears on his brow and upper lip. My fingers slip on the sweat slick skin of his shoulders, so I dig my nails in, causing him to hiss at the sting.</p><p>I can usually come just from being fucked, but it's not enough today, so I lick the fingers of my right hand and rub circles on my clit until my orgasm washes over me like a wave. Steve's moans take on a frustrated tone, and I know he's too far into his headspace to come on his own.</p><p>So I lift my head until I can suck his bottom lip into my mouth. When I release my prize, I whisper, "Come for me, Dog. Come now!"</p><p>He thrusts deep one last time and, with a grunt, empties himself into the condom. With the back seat's limited room, Steve can't collapse on me like he usually does, so he just rests his head on my shoulder, his breath hot against my skin.</p><p>After a minute, he pulls out, ties a knot in the condom, and then tucks it back into its wrapper. He then proves that he is very well trained because he plucks his boxers off the floor and wipes me up before cleaning himself off.</p><p>And now comes my second favorite part: the cuddling. Steve lifts my right leg so that he can slide between me and the back of the seat with my legs draped over his right thigh. He tucks his left arm under my head and nuzzles my right temple. "I love you," he whispers.</p><p>I remember a time, years ago, when we couldn't say those words to each other and, of course, how they stuck in my throat so often over the past several months. "I love you, too." I turn my head and kiss him.</p><p>His dick twitches against my hip, and I know if he could get it up again so soon, we'd be going for round two right now.</p><p>Breaking the kiss, I pick up his right hand and twine our fingers together. "I have another confession."</p><p>"Another?" He kisses my shoulder, and I twist slightly away to get him to stop because it's just a distraction. "D? Talk to me."</p><p>"I'm trying." I stare up at the ceiling and force myself to tell him why I took a day off last week. "I'm done having children."</p><p>"I know that. That's why you had me wear a condom just now."</p><p>I shake my head. "No, you don't understand. I am <i>done</i>." I slash the air with one hand. "I had the doctor make sure I can never get pregnant again."</p><p>He goes very still next to me, and I brace myself for his anger. We had agreed that he would go with me if I ever decided to go through with the procedure. "Is this why you took last Friday off?"</p><p>I nod. "I know you said you wanted to be there for me but I just couldn't, Steve. You understand, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, babe, I understand." He gathers me close and presses a kiss to my forehead. "I wish you had let me help you through that but I understand why you felt you needed to get it done." He nuzzles my shoulder, nipping a bit. "Wait. I thought Costas said it was too risky."</p><p>"He did. But after I pressed him he did research and discovered the risk is only for women allergic to nickel because the micro coils are made from surgical steel."</p><p>"Which has a rather high nickel content."</p><p>"Exactly."</p><p>"And you're not allergic to nickel."</p><p>"No, I'm not."</p><p>"Hm," he hums and returns to kissing my shoulder.</p><p>We lie there for a long moment, basking in the knowledge that our marriage will survive and our renewed passion for one another. I don't know about him, but I know I doze off at one point because my name being called softly jerks me awake.</p><p>"Hm?" I hum, snuggling down a bit more.</p><p>He chuckles. "We should probably go inside before the kids get home."</p><p>"And that reminds me. Just where <i>are</i> my children?"</p><p>"Kono and Charlie took them to the beach."</p><p>"Hm. Okay. I need another shower." And yet, neither of us moves. "You should probably go first."</p><p>"What? Oh, right." We both sit up, and he pulls on his clothes before handing me mine. "Where are your shoes?" He gets out of the car and even kneels down to look under it. "Daniel?" His head pops into the car so he can glare at me. "What have I told you about coming in here barefoot?"</p><p>"I was in a bit of a hurry."</p><p>"Don't yell at me if you step on a nail. At least I know your tetanus is current," Steve grumbles, tugging me from the car and sweeping me up into his arms.</p><p>I wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers through his hair. "You keep this garage too clean for that to ever be an issue."</p><p>He rolls his eyes. "Things happen, D. You know this."</p><p>"I could punish you for scolding me, you know."</p><p>"Somehow I don't think you actually will." He begins walking toward the front door. "But I have an idea of what we can do when we get upstairs. We'll take a shower, I'll wash your hair, then finger you until you come apart, you'll then bend me over and blister my ass before letting me fuck your brains out again."</p><p>I kick my feet and squeal. "Oh, my God, yes, please!" He smirks and quickens his pace up the stairs.<br/>
= = = =<br/>
Six weeks later, Steve, John, and Fallon wake me with breakfast in bed. Then Steve urges me to get up and dress in the jeans and tee shirt he has laid out. A pair of strappy sandals completes the outfit.</p><p>After way more good-bye hugs than a simple day at the spa requires, Steve tucks me into the back of a limo. He kisses my nose and says, "Just sit back and enjoy being pampered today. Okay, Danni?"</p><p>I sigh dramatically. "I shall try." Reaching up, I caress his cheek with my thumb. "But I'd much rather get pampered by my family."</p><p>"Some other time. Promise."</p><p>I narrow my eyes and again try to get him to tell me what he has planned. "Just what are you planning, Dog?"</p><p>Something hot flashes in his eyes at my use of his name, but he presses his lips closed and shakes his head. "That was very underhanded of you, Mistress. Please let this go."</p><p>I pout at him for a few seconds before flopping back against the seat. "Fine." I wave one hand. "Have it your way."</p><p>"Love you." He presses a kiss to my cheek before closing the door and thumping on the roof to signal the driver that he can go now.</p><p>I've never had a full day at the spa, and it's definitely a treat I'd love to repeat. The employees totally pamper me. It's nice not having to talk or be expected to carry on a conversation.</p><p>When I first arrive, I'm taken into a locker room where I'm encouraged to change into a big fluffy robe, leaving all my clothes in one of the lockers. I'm assigned an 'aide', an employee whose job it is to make sure I have any food and drink I desire and that I make it to all my appointments.</p><p>The place is so large and well-run that I only get glimpses of other guests, and I never have to wait more than a couple of minutes between appointments.</p><p>Steve purchased one of their more inclusive packages, so I get two technicians who give me the most relaxing mani-pedi I've ever had. I'm plied with cucumber water, and tuna sandwiches cut into little triangles along with shortbread cookies. From there, I'm taken to a sauna where I doze and try to figure out what my husband is up to. After my sauna, I'm given a full-body massage complete with hot stones that leaves me beyond relaxed. Following that, I have a mud bath, and then I'm given a facial before having my hair and makeup done. </p><p>The whole day is beyond relaxing. It's been years since there were no demands on my time. So long, in fact, that I can't remember when I had a day to do absolutely nothing.</p><p>The staff are all highly trained to know when a guest wants to chat and when they want silence. I know everyone thinks that all I do is talk, but that's just for show. I learned early on that if I talk a lot about nothing, people let their guard down around me. It works wonders with criminals who usually aren't all that bright, to begin with.</p><p>At the end of the day, I'm then given three dresses to choose from. I pick a navy blue wrap dress with beige platform pumps. The fit of both proves that my husband pays attention to my body.</p><p>The ride home in the limo has a very different vibe than the ride to the spa. After being primped and perfumed, I have concluded that my husband has something incredibly romantic planned for me. Top of my list is he's going to propose in a manner that my mother thinks is more appropriate than the way he did seven years ago. I love telling our engagement story because it is so us. But he thinks this is something I want, so I'll let him have it. I do so love spoiling my pet.</p><p>At the house, the driver assists me in exiting the limo and hands me an envelope. "Mahalo," I say with a nod of my head.</p><p>Running a finger under the seam of the flap, I open it and pull out the piece of ivory card stock.</p><p>Printed on the front are the words: <i>You are hereby invited to have dinner with your loving husband in the backyard. Please follow the trail of rose petals.</i> I turn it over before looking up and seeing the trail leading around the corner of the house. </p><p>Licking my lips, I smooth my free hand down the skirt of my dress and begin following the trail of rose petals. I can hear whispers and giggling the closer I get to the house. A glance to my right shows an open window with all three of my children pretending to be hiding behind the curtains.</p><p>"Go on, Danno!" Fallon urges when I stop to look at them.</p><p>"What does Da have planned for me?" I ask, knowing that of all my kids, she's the one most likely to tell.</p><p>John and Grace pounce on her, clamping their hands over her mouth. Her eyes are wide open in surprise.</p><p>"If you go on, you'll see for yourself." Grace nods her head in the direction of the backyard.</p><p>"Okay." </p><p>Rounding the final corner requires me to step through a hidden gate. I turn to push it closed behind me and give myself a few seconds longer before seeing Steve's surprise.</p><p>Squaring my shoulders, I turn, and my jaw drops open. Steve has the trail of petals leading right up to a table set for two in a circle of petals at the edge of the grass where it meets the beach.</p><p>At the end of the trail, Steve's standing wearing a very nice suit and holding a tiny box. Slowly, I walk to where he's waiting for me, and once I'm standing in front of him, he goes down on one knee.</p><p>Taking my left hand in his right, he says, "Daniel McGarrett, I love you with every fiber of my being. If these past months have taught me nothing else, it's that I could lose you so easily." He stops to clear his throat, and I hear Grace prompt him on the next word in a stage whisper. "I got it, thanks," he stage whispers back. "So I was wondering if you'd agree to marry me again."</p><p>"Steve…" He takes my wedding ring off my finger and replaces it with the engagement ring from the box. The same ring he gave me when he proposed seven years ago and that I no longer wear because I'm afraid I'll lose it while chasing a suspect.</p><p>"You complained a little about how I did it last time. Plus, your mother was less than thrilled it wasn't more romantic. I thought this time…" He shrugs and stands up, brushing grass and sand off his pants.</p><p>"Say yes, Danno!" Fallon shouts from behind me. I turn and find all three of them standing just a few feet away.</p><p>"How did you get her to keep quiet about all this?"</p><p>"Didn't tell her until after you'd left this morning."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"Say yes!" We all laugh at Fallon's insistence.</p><p>"Say yes," Steve whispers against my lips when he turns me to face him. "You know you wanna."</p><p>I brush his lips with mine, a smile spreading across my face. But it falters when I pull back and see fear in his eyes. A fear I haven't seen since the last few days before the kids came back from New Jersey. But this fear is different. This fear is him worried that I'll say no, that I'll walk away, that I'll decide the memory of Mallory is just too painful to stay despite us finding our way back to each other these past six weeks.</p><p>"Oh, Steve." I pull his head down and kiss his forehead. "Of course, I'll marry you again, Dog. I'm not going anywhere. Promise. I love you and our life too much for that." His sigh is soft on the breeze from the cove. "I'm sorry I made you doubt your worth to me."</p><p>He crushes me to his chest and devours my mouth. The children take this as my having said yes, and rush us.</p><p>"Yay! She said yes!" Fallon dances around us. "They're getting married!" She shimmies her hips in what I'm sure is supposed to be some kind of celebration dance but ends up looking more like a hula.</p><p>We all laugh and hug. Grace and Fallon pretend the ring Steve gave me isn't the same one they've seen every day for years.</p><p>John acts older than he is and claps Steve on the back. "Congrats, my man." He uses what he thinks is a grown-up voice but then stammers, "Uh, I mean, Da." when Steve just raises one brow at him.</p><p>"And now, the children will leave the premises so the adults can do what they want." Grace herds her siblings away.</p><p>"The whole night to ourselves? Whatever will we do with all that free time?" I turn back to find Steve has poured me a glass of champagne.</p><p>"You heard her. We can do whatever we want." He steals a kiss.</p><p>"When was your last spanking, Dog?" He shudders at my continued use of his name and slips even further into his headspace. His forehead wrinkles as he thinks. "If you have to think about it, it's been too long."</p><p>"I was trying to figure out if you meant for pleasure or punishment. The first has been much too long, but the second was just a few weeks ago." And was his punishment for not telling me he'd been shot on a case.</p><p>"Well, today we will certainly be rectifying the former." I step around him and over to the table. "But first, I am going to eat this fabulous meal you made me." Sitting down in one chair, I point at the ground, and he drops to his knees next to my feet. "Good, Dog." I run my fingers through his hair in praise.</p><p>He presses his head up into my palm. "I've been neglecting you, again, haven't I?" He whines low in his throat and looks up at me through his lashes before quickly lowering his eyes as is proper.</p><p>Lifting his chin, I brush a soft kiss to his lips. "Poor, Dog. I have been far too remiss in my duties to you. Well, not anymore." Spreading my legs, I push him under the table. "Eat this while I eat my dinner." I opted to not wear panties back to the house because I felt he might have a romantic meal planned, and I wanted to be able to take him inside me without worrying about underwear.</p><p>Steve flips my skirt up over my knees before pushing them further apart with his shoulders. He licks a stripe up my right thigh with the flat of his tongue, stopping to nip at a spot just below where my thigh and torso meet. He loves to leave little marks there. I've had more than one awkward gyno visit due to this habit. Moving on, he nuzzles my folds, pressing on my clit with his nose.</p><p>I bury the fingers of my left hand in his hair. "I said <i>eat me</i>, Dog. Do not make me have to punish you so soon after your romantic proposal."</p><p>I feel, more than hear, his huff of laughter at my rebuke. But it does the trick. He sucks a patch of skin on my pubic mound into his mouth. I spare half a thought to be glad that I had my yearly gyno visit last week because it's obvious that Steve is going to mark up my pussy. Not that I mind. I much prefer wearing his marks under my clothes where only he can see them.</p><p>After a few seconds, he moves on, leaving a line of hickeys from my right hip to my left. And this is why I keep my pubic hair trimmed. Steve likes seeing his marks on me just as much as I like seeing mine on him, and a full bush would cover them too much.</p><p>"Oh, did I forget to tell you, that I had better not have my first orgasm before I finish eating." I use my grip on his hair to move his mouth where I want it.</p><p>His warm breath washes over the wet skin of my labia, causing a shiver to trip down my spine. The man knows how to get me going like no one's business, and I'm always fighting the urge to rush to the finish line.</p><p>"Make it good, Dog. I have a surprise for you. But not if I don't thoroughly enjoy my dinner." With that warning, I press his face to my crotch and hitch my hips a little.</p><p>Steve proves that the Navy trained him to give every order his all by licking over my folds just the way I like. His licks start out soft and barely there, then get slowly harder and deeper, until finally, he's licking at my inner walls before fucking me with his tongue. I'm hovering on the very edge of orgasm, and only a couple of bites away from finishing my dinner, when he latches onto my clit with his teeth. He bites down gently, then moves his jaw back and forth. It's a move guaranteed to get me off, and now is no different. I swallow the last bite just seconds before my orgasm hits me like a fucking truck.</p><p>With both hands buried in his hair, my back arches so sharply that my head is resting on the back of my chair, and I scream my pleasure for all to hear.</p><p>Slowly, I come back down. The first thing I'm aware of is Steve lightly licking at my labia. The second is that my legs are shaking like I've just run a marathon. </p><p>Eventually, Steve's ministrations become too much, and I sluggishly push him away. "...broke...bastard…" Steve laughs at my inability to speak after the best orgasm I have ever had.</p><p>"Is there a problem, Mistress?" I narrow my eyes at his innocent tone.</p><p>"Should...tan...smug...ass." I still can't put more than a couple of words together; my brain is completely fried.</p><p>The look on my pet's face is entirely too smug as he slithers out from under the table to lean over where I'm slumped in the chair, still trying to catch my breath. "Shall I carry you inside, Mistress?"</p><p>I can only nod. Steve picks the chair up and moves it back enough for him to get the rest of the way out from under the table. Then he slips one arm under my knees and the other around my back and carries me into the house and into our secret room.</p><p>He sets me on my feet, and when I step out of my shoes, he picks them up and tucks them under the bench along one wall. "Go ahead and take off your clothes, Dog." A visible shudder trips down his spine, and he does as told with the efficiency drilled into him by the US Navy. </p><p>Once his clothes are folded neatly on the bench, he comes back to where I'm standing and slides to his knees, getting into the proper position without being told.</p><p>"Such a good dog," I coo, petting his head. He sits up straighter at my praise. If I wasn't such a possessive bitch, I'd take him to this resort I heard about on Kauai, where couples like us can play in public.</p><p>"Tonight, you are in charge. You can dominate me. Or we can fuck as equals. However you want." This is the best reward I can think of for the orgasm he gave me earlier. </p><p>He raises his eyes to mine and rolls to his feet a bit less gracefully than he did just a few years ago. Then, maintaining eye contact, he unties the knot holding my dress closed. It falls open, revealing the shelf bra I bought at the spa; they really do indulge their clients in every way possible. He looks down and swallows loudly because I might as well be naked since the bra covers absolutely none of my breasts.</p><p>"You like it?"</p><p>He returns his gaze to mine, and the look in his eyes says I must be stupid if I think he doesn't like it. "Very much, Mistress."</p><p>Ever the smug female, I toss my head and allow a smirk to cross my face. "Good. Take it off."</p><p>He pushes the dress from my shoulders before reaching around me to unhook my bra and draw the straps down my arms. That task complete, he picks my dress up and carries it and my bra over to the bench, and folds them on top of his clothes.</p><p>Watching him walk around naked, I find I need to play with my favorite sex toy for a while before I can allow him to have his way. I know he won't object. Or rather, he won't let me know of his objection because, in the end, he still gets to fuck me.</p><p>"I've changed my mind, Dog." His steps falter when he's about halfway back to me. "I want to play with you for a bit before I give you free reign."</p><p>He takes and releases a deep breath, and I see him take yet another step into his headspace. "As you wish, Mistress."</p><p>I tilt my chin down and give him yet another smug smirk. He gulps, but I know he's not worried. He has seen me at my most sadistic, after all. And he has enjoyed everything I've ever done to him.</p><p>For the next hour, I work him over in ways I never have before. I use implements I've never used on him, and soon, I have him begging for more. I give him everything I have because I know he can take it. We end up on the floor with him fucking me like the world is ending. I lose count of my orgasms after my tenth one because they're coming so close together. Never should have put on the vibrating clit clamp. Since I'm unable to speak, I tap the small of his back in Morse Code to tell him he can come.</p><p>He collapses on me, and his harsh breath is hot on the sweat slicked skin of my neck. I run one hand through his soaked hair and feel him settle even more on me. I know if I allowed it, he'd fall asleep right here.</p><p>"Did that do the trick, Dog?" He nods because he's still breathing hard. "Think you can do one more thing for me?" He lifts his head and stares down at me in surprise that I'd dare to ask anything else of him. "You'll like this. Promise."</p><p>He rolls off me to lie on his left side next to me. His right hand rubs my abdomen, followed by his lips. I know where he's headed because he thinks it'll stop me.</p><p>"Uh-uh, Dog." I push his head away, remove the still vibrating clamp, and roll to my feet almost in one motion.</p><p>I can feel his eyes on me as I walk to the cabinet where I keep my implements. When I turn back, I hide the cuffs I removed behind my back. With my head held high, I walk over to the table that was our anniversary gift to each other last year. Part of it can be folded down in various ways to allow for one person to stand and yet still have access to the genitals of the person lying on it. I have never mastered the art of climbing onto a table in a sexy way, but the way Steve licks his lips tells me it was plenty sexy for him.</p><p>"Dog, come." He crawls to where I'm sitting on the side of the table before standing up. I caress his dick, feeling it twitch but not harden, then reach lower and fondle his balls. "I've been neglecting this, haven't I?"</p><p>"Not like you were a few weeks ago."</p><p>My jaw clenches at his words because we had agreed to only discuss those five months in therapy. "I am so sorry for that."</p><p>"And you have been forgiven."</p><p>I smile at him because in the first days after we finally, <i>seriously</i>, talked about it, we both apologized numerous times. I'm sure we've forgiven each other enough for the rest of our lives.</p><p>Reaching up with one hand, I pull him down so I can capture his lips with mine. As usually happens, the kiss quickly becomes very heated. Since Steve's not allowed to touch without permission, he's leaning on his fists on either side of my hips by the time I release his lips.</p><p>Wrapping my legs around the backs of his thighs, I lean back a bit and show him the cuffs. "Put these on me and tie me to the table."</p><p>His brows lower in a frown. "My cuffs are too big for you."</p><p>"True. But these aren't your cuffs. They're mine."</p><p>"When'd you get cuffs?"</p><p>"I was a submissive once." Although, these are not the cuffs that Professor had made for me. I gave those back when I started seeing Stan and thought I had left my dominant side behind.</p><p>"You were?" He seems surprised at this news.</p><p>"Yes. Any Dominant worth their salt, has spent time on their knees for someone at some point. It's how we learn how to be the very best Dominant we can be. And how to know what our submissive needs. Can't really push someone past their limits if you don't even know where your own limits are."</p><p>"So, what? When you were in high school?" I had told him once that I had my first submissive my freshman year of college.</p><p>"No. While I was training him, I was being trained."</p><p>"Oh." He takes the cuffs from me and reverently buckles them around my wrists.</p><p>I haven't worn them before because I didn't get them until Marcia helped me see that I need to revisit the submissive side of myself and that I have been holding on to Trevor for all these years. She told me I need to tell Steve about Trevor, but I can't. Every time I think about telling Steve, I feel like I'm betraying Trevor's memory.</p><p>Once Steve finishes buckling the cuffs, I lie back on the table with my arms over my head and let him tie me down. As I do this, I acknowledge, if only to myself, that this is my way of letting Trevor go. That by having Steve do what I allowed Trevor to do on that long ago summer night, I can finally exercise him from my marriage.</p><p>With a final tug on the latch, Steve seems satisfied that I'm tied tight. "Before we begin, do you need to pee?" I'm surprised he thought to ask because I usually don't.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Good." He gives a sharp nod. "What's your safeword?"</p><p>"Army." His eyebrows climb his forehead. "What? You thought that was just for you? Dominants need safewords, too."</p><p>"Kinda did, yeah." He takes and releases a deep breath, and I can tell he's trying to remember what I do at the beginning of a scene. "If you use it, I'll ask how you are by saying 'color'. Your answer will be?"</p><p>"Green to keep going. Yellow to slow down or ease up, as in not so hard or fast. Red to stop for me to readjust or because it's become too much."</p><p>"At which point we'll talk about it."</p><p>"Yes, Commander." Just like with Cath, I figure he won't mind me using his rank. And I'm right. He smirks at me before spinning on his heel and walking to the cabinet. But not before telling me not to move.</p><p>On his way back, he catches me trying to see what he took from the cabinet. "No peeking, Jersey." Very few people have ever actually called me that. And most of them threw it at me as if to insult me. Little did they know that I am fiercely proud of my home state.</p><p>Even though he's not looking, I stick my tongue out. "Too bad I don't currently have use for that. Put it away." He taps me between the eyes, proving that he's as attuned to me as I am to him. I blink up at him before dutifully putting my tongue back in my mouth. "Better."</p><p>I feel him set several things on the table near my left hip and fight the urge to lift my head to see what he has planned.</p><p>Leaning down, he licks my right nipple, bites it, then licks it again. I hiss at the sting of his tongue across the marks left by his teeth. At the same time, he slowly trails the fingers of his right hand up my right thigh. I let my knees fall open more to give him some room. When he reaches my groin, he only teases my outer lips, just barely dipping his middle finger between them.</p><p>"You are always so fucking wet. It's enough to make a guy lose control. But not today." </p><p><i>Shit!</i> I know what that means because I say it. Often. "Commander…" I'm very nearly begging, and I'm already panting.</p><p>"Are you gonna beg me?" I nod my head because I will if I have to. "Well, you can if you want. Just know, it won't work today. I'm going to do what I'm going to do and you are going to lie there and <i>take it</i>." He flicks his thumbnail against my clit, and the world explodes behind my closed lids.</p><p>This orgasm rivals the one he gave me outside, and it leaves me shaking and breathless.</p><p>"So beautiful in your release," he murmurs against the skin of my stomach. This is also something I say to him. It's now clear that he's never even played the Dominant before and is more than secure in his role as my submissive.</p><p>"You know how to pull the best ones from me, Commander."</p><p>"Mm." He runs his tongue in a winding path up my torso to lick and suck my nipples. I'm going to have one hell of a case of beard burn when he's done.</p><p>"Now," He holds up a strip of cloth. "Let's see just how willing you are to let me lead."</p><p>I have never been blindfolded before, but I have used one a time or two on him. I'm not even sure I'll be able to handle it. But so long as he doesn't gag me, I'm willing to try.</p><p>"Color?" He must sense my hesitation.</p><p>After thinking about it for several seconds, I say, "Green."</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>I nod. "Yes, Commander."</p><p>"You will let me know if that changes." It's a statement, but I answer anyway.</p><p>"Of course, Commander."</p><p>He ties the cloth across my eyes, and I discover it's just thin enough to allow a bit of light through. It's enough to keep me from panicking.</p><p>"Color?"</p><p>"Still green, Commander."</p><p>He lowers part of the table and drapes my right leg over his left shoulder. We had the table built to our specifications so that a quarter of the table can be lowered at a time. Steve places a pillow under my ass to lift my hips so he can have better access to my pussy and ass. I don't expect him to play with my ass, but there have been a few times he's licked over my hole while eating me out.</p><p>He manages to surprise me by not eating me out. Instead, he begins running the fingers of his left hand along my thigh, hip, and abdomen. I feel his right wrist brush against my left thigh, then something soft is brushing against my left breast.</p><p>"We're gonna play a game. The rules are simple. I'll touch you with something, and you tell me what it is and where I'm touching you. Take as long as you need to figure out what the item is and where it is because if you're wrong, I'll move on to the next thing. Get three wrong in a row, as in no right answers in between, and the game is over, I'll untie you, and the evening will be over.</p><p>"Beg or make any statement that can be construed as a threat of retaliation once you're back in control, and you will be gagged. Do you understand?"</p><p>I take a shaky breath. "Yes, Commander."</p><p>"Good. Let's begin."</p><p>He begins flicking the implement in his hand in short, soft strokes around the circumference of my breast. My breath is starting to become irregular. I had no idea that my breasts are so sensitive. I mean, sure, the men I've slept with have played with my breasts, but they mostly just squeezed them and held them as they suckled my nipples. My nipples, on the other hand, always got plenty of attention. I have never had anyone touch me so softly before.</p><p>"Um," I clear my throat and start again. "You're… my left breast."</p><p>"Yes. What am I doing to your beautiful breast?"</p><p>He's getting closer to my nipple. My nerves are on fire, in a good way, and I know that when he flicks the… brush?… against my nipple that I'll explode. Especially since he has slipped his thumb between my folds to gently rub circles against my clit. I start to lift my hips, silently begging for more contact, but he makes a noise that has me lowering them back to the table.</p><p>"It feels… it feels… like… my makeup brush?"</p><p>The second the last word crosses my lips, he presses harder on my clit and flicks the bristles of the brush across my nipple. My back arches hard with the force of my orgasm, and I'm nearly positive I pass out for a few seconds.</p><p>"It's actually a paint brush, but they look the same, so I'll give it to you."</p><p>My body is still trembling from my orgasm when I feel the pinpricks of a Wartenberg wheel against my abdomen. He runs it lightly up my torso from my left hip to my right breast, pressing slightly harder as it passes over my nipple. My toes curl at the pleasurable pain left behind. He repeats the move starting with my right hip. When he gets to my left nipple, he rocks it back and forth several times, pressing harder with each pass.</p><p>Just when I'm on the very edge of climax, he runs the wheel lightly down the valley between my breasts, bypassing my right nipple and dipping into my right armpit. I'm ticklish in my armpits, and I flinch at the sensation of the pokes of the wheel running across my flesh.</p><p>From there, he runs it in a serpentine pattern down my torso to the very top of my folds. I expect him to ask if I know what it is, but he surprises me by holding there with one poke resting between the very top of my folds over my clit. With a chuckle, he says, "I know you know what this is." Of course, I do. It's a favorite of both of ours. "But you're obviously enjoying it, so I'll let it go a bit longer. Besides, I never said you had to give your answer within a certain time."</p><p>If I think he's gonna give me a reprieve, I'm sorely mistaken. No sooner does he stop speaking than he starts moving it again. This time, he runs it up and down the sides of my labia, pressing harder with each pass. It's getting more and more difficult to hold still. I'm hovering on the freaking edge, but he's refusing to let me fall off.</p><p>I can't take it anymore and begin to beg. "Please, Commander! Please!"</p><p>"Please, what?"</p><p>A sob bubbles up, but I swallow it and say, "Please let me come! I need to come so badly!"</p><p>"Do you now?"</p><p>I nod my head, a wail building in the back of my throat when he removes the wheel and steps away, placing my right foot on the edge of the table.</p><p>"What did I tell you about begging?"</p><p>"No! Please!"</p><p>"Are you going to safeword?"</p><p>Am I? Do I want this to stop? I shake my head because I don't want it to stop, but I need to come.</p><p>"Answer me, Jersey. What color?" The backs of his fingers run gently down the side of my face, and I instinctively turn my face into the touch.</p><p>"G-green."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Y-yes, C-commander."</p><p>"You better not be lying to me." I feel his skin brush against my left hip when he reaches for something.</p><p>Something that I'm pretty sure is a gag of some kind. I can't hold back my rising panic. "No, please. Don't." I've never had any of my senses taken away, and taking away my ability to speak when I'm blind just seems cruel to me.</p><p>"I warned you about begging." He presses a ball against my lips, but I refuse to open my mouth. "Don't make me force this, Daniel."</p><p>With a whimper, I open my mouth and let him slip the ball gag between my teeth. Tears leak from my eyes when he lifts my head to buckle it in place.</p><p>His hands are gone for a long moment; then he's pressing something into my right hand. "Shake it." When I do, it sounds like a jingle bell. "Your new safeword. Two shakes if you need me to stop, or no. One for yes, or continue." He trails his fingers down the inside of my arm, causing my arm to twitch. "Do you understand?" I shake my hand once. "Good girl." He runs his fingers through my hair, and I can't stop myself from pressing up into his palm. He chuckles and returns to his place between my legs.</p><p>He doesn't return my leg to his shoulder. Instead, he places my left foot next to my right and lowers the other half of the table's lower part. Then he moves my feet until they're shoulder width apart and steps up close enough I can just barely feel his erection against my labia.</p><p>"Now that you've ruined our fun, I guess we'll just have to move on to the next part."</p><p>I feel him pick something up and then the distinct sounds of lube being applied to a dildo. My breath picks up again. I've only ever had him use a dildo on me when he can no longer get it up, and his jaw is tired, but I have yet to come. I also use it on myself as part of our foreplay and when I'm punishing him by withholding sex.</p><p>He uses the tip of the dildo to tease me, and I can't help but roll my hips in my search for more friction. A hand sticky with lube lands on my lower abdomen, and he growls low in his throat. "Stop. Moving. Next time I have to tell you, the evening is over."</p><p>A whimper escapes with more tears. I have never been so desperate to come in my life! </p><p>I feel him move away, and then his warm breath is ghosting over my ear as he whispers, "You asked for this, D. If you've changed your mind-" I shake my hand twice. "Then behave. You will get your climax, I promise. But on my terms, not yours." He licks my earlobe into his mouth and sucks before returning to stand between my legs.</p><p>"Now, where were we?" he murmurs. "Ah, yes. <i>Here</i>!" He presses the dildo into me, not stopping until it's in as far as it'll go. It isn't a rough penetration, but it is hard and swift. Just the way he knows I sometimes like it. Usually, him entering me that hard and fast will shove me over the edge regardless of how close I am, but for some reason, it doesn't do that today.</p><p>I squeeze my pussy around the bard length inside me and moan. He's using my favorite dildo. Several years ago, just after I took him as my submissive, I made several dildos out of his dick One of them is actually a vibrator, and this is the one he's using on me. He proves my guess right by flicking the switch on the base. The vibrations set my nerve endings on fire, and my legs begin to twitch as my orgasm creeps ever closer.</p><p>I'm moaning constantly, and I can feel drool dripping out of the corner of my mouth around the ball gag. I'm so focused on the sensations of the vibrator lodged deep in my pussy that I miss him spreading the folds over my clit. Until he attaches a clip to it, that is. </p><p>The sudden addition of pain pulls me back from the edge. A frustrated scream escapes around the gag. And then the clip starts pulsing. The pattern is so random that I don't have time to settle into any one before another takes its place. Since I can't lift my hips as I chase this orgasm, I squeeze my pussy. I try and find a pattern that helps move my orgasm along, but all the different sensations make it difficult.</p><p>I tighten my fist around the little ball, trying to decide if I've had enough. Before I can make up my mind, he pulls the vibrator out just as swiftly as he pushed it inside. My back arches off the table as I groan at the sudden emptiness.</p><p>But he doesn't leave me empty for long. I feel the blunt tip of his cock pressing inside and whimper at the pleasure of being filled with my favorite sex toy: my husband.</p><p>The pace he sets is not the one I would have picked. It's not fast or hard enough to get me there. A sob climbs the back of my throat at this evidence that he's going to draw this out, but before it can leave my throat, he starts slamming into me hard and fast, just how I like it.</p><p>My back arches off the table again, and I scream behind the gag as my orgasm crashes over me. Steve keeps pounding away, his balls smacking against my ass cheeks, the sound of our skin slapping together obscene in the small room.</p><p>Wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure flows over me, and it quickly becomes too much. I shake my hand twice, then wait a few seconds. When Steve doesn't respond, I shake it again. And again I wait, a bit longer this time. Again, he doesn't even pause in his frantic fucking. I'm now shaking my hand so hard that my wrist is starting to hurt. Then a thought crosses my mind. He must be lost in his headspace. I've seen it happen once before. </p><p>Not to Steve, to my first submissive. The last time we had sex was after I had released him, so it was as equals, something we had never done before. He slipped unconsciously into his subspace. Unfortunately, I can't bring Steve out of this the way I did with Trevor. I'll have to find another way.</p><p>Rolling the ball slowly, gently from my palm to the tips of my fingers, I aim it where I think his head is and throw it. I can't throw it very hard due to my wrist being secured to the table by my head, but judging by the jingle followed by a confused 'ow', it was enough.</p><p>"D?" Steve slows his thrusts but doesn't stop.</p><p>I shout 'army' as loud as I can behind the gag since I have no other way to communicate.</p><p>"Fuck!" He pulls out, and I can't hide the wince as his dick rubs against the abused skin of my labia. "I'm sorry." He puts the table back in place and helps me stretch out my legs.</p><p>I'm openly sobbing now. My body is still twitching with the aftershocks of my orgasm, and my heart is beating like a trapped bird against my rib cage.</p><p>"God, D! I am so fucking sorry!" He unbuckles the gag first, helping me ease the ache from my jaw. Then he undoes the cuffs before pulling me into his arms. "Let me get the light then we'll take off the blindfold."</p><p>I had closed my eyes when my orgasm hit and decide to keep them closed for now. Steve carries me over to the wall where the light switch is. "There," he says, setting me on my feet. "Can you stand?"</p><p>I keep my arms wrapped around his shoulders until the tremors subside a bit more, then I nod and lean back, loosening my hold.</p><p>"Okay. I'm gonna take the blindfold off now." He gently cups my face. Sweeping his thumbs up my cheeks, he slips them under the fabric covering my eyes, pulling it off over my head.</p><p>I keep my eyes closed until he presses a kiss to each one. Slowly, I blink them open, happy when even the little bit of light from the hall doesn't hurt.</p><p>"Hi," I whisper, smiling up at him.</p><p>"Hi," he whispers back, his answering smile full of regret. "That could have gone better."</p><p>I laugh, earning myself a glare. "Oh, no, Dog. That was perfect. Until you got lost in your headspace."</p><p>He ducks his head at my praise, a very becoming blush staining his cheeks. "You liked it?"</p><p>"Considering you didn't plan it, I enjoyed it very much." I turn and exit our playroom. "Don't think we'll ever do it again, though. I do not like not being in control."</p><p>"As you wish, Mistress." His tone tells me he doesn't care if I ever let him top again or not. As long as I keep using him as my sex toy, he's perfectly happy.</p><p>"And now, I think it's time for a bath." I enter the bathroom that I had completely renovated shortly after I first put him on his knees. I catch a glimpse of his face in the mirror when he follows me in, and I watch as he takes yet another step into his subspace.</p><p>Life is perfect. I have the most perfect submissive, who is also my husband and best friend, I have a job I love, and I have three healthy, beautiful children. What could be better than this?</p><p>We spend an hour cuddling in the tub, trading gentle touches and soft kisses. When the children return the next morning, they find us dozing in the hammock, wrapped in each other's arms.<br/>
= = = =<br/>
Six weeks later, I take Grace, Fallon, Cath, and Kono with me to a local bridal salon. Since I was just a few weeks postpartum last time, I didn't get to wear the dress of my dreams. This time around, I take the time necessary to make sure the dress is perfect.</p><p>It takes nearly three hours and a couple dozen gowns before we find The One. It's a lace floor length gown. It has a sweetheart neckline and illusion lace that skims my collar bones, leaving my arms bare. The bodice hugs my curves in all the right ways.</p><p>Since our first wedding was traditional, we decide to keep this ceremony small. My mother is hurt that we only invited those family and friends who live here, but she says she understands.</p><p>The morning of our vow renewal dawns bright and warm, the perfect day for a beach wedding.</p><p>Grace, Fallon, Cath, and Kono help me get ready while John, Grover, and Chin get ready with Steve downstairs.</p><p>I opt to not wear a veil, just pulling the sides of my hair back and decorating it with teacup roses and baby's breath. The bouquets are a mix of Honeymoon roses and peonies. Steve and his groomsmen have boutonnieres that match the teacup roses in mine and my bridesmaid's hair.</p><p>Steve is waiting for me at the foot of the stairs, looking beyond handsome in a black suit with a white shirt with the top few buttons undone.</p><p>"Wow." Steve's gaze burns everywhere it touches as he looks me up and down. "Not sure which I like best. This one or the one you wore for our first wedding."</p><p>I laugh and come to stand before him. "I, on the other hand, know that I prefer what you wore last time. But this one's very nice, too."</p><p>He laughs and pulls me close enough to nuzzle my temple. "Let's go get hitched so I can rip this off and have my wicked, wicked way with you."</p><p>"This dress has a very nice zipper under the fake buttons down the back, so there will be no ripping it off. Understand, Dog?"</p><p>A shudder skates down his spine. "Yes, Mistress."</p><p>"Good." I step back and run one hand down my dress. "Besides, this dress was not cheap."</p><p>"I love you." He takes my hand in his and leads me out of the house.</p><p>Our ohana is gathered on the beach behind the house, and they turn to watch us walk down the trail of rose petals to where Denning is standing, waiting to perform our vow renewal.</p><p>The ceremony passes in a haze, and before I know it, we are once again pronounced husband and wife. Hoots and hollers greet the kiss we share, and this time no one stops it.</p>
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